LAUGH LINES

It Was Great Doing . . .: Michael Jackson and second wife Debbie Rowe are divorcing. “Or, more accurately, they’re dissolving their business relationship.” (Daily Scoop)

The ‘Burbs: “American Beauty,” a dark satire on suburban life, is attracting its share of moviegoers. “It’ll make you laugh, make you cry, make you not want to have a white picket fence.” (Daily Scoop)

The Weight Stuff: A study shows that fat people have more of a chance of dying at any given time than skinny people. “The only exception is when the thin people flaunt that in front of obese people, they’re likely to be murdered on the spot.” (Gary Easley)

Thanks, Man: Singer-actress Vanessa Williams married the Lakers’ Rick Fox earlier this month. “The bride was radiant in a Vera Wang-designed gown borrowed from former Laker Dennis Rodman.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Thanks, Man, Part II: “Well, Dan Quayle has dropped out of the 2000 presidential race. In a related story, hundreds of comedy writers have filed for unemployment.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

On the Career Track: Vice President Al Gore has moved his campaign headquarters to Nashville. “He figures if he can’t win the election, at least he can record a country album.” (Gary Greenfield)

Close, but No Team: The NFL awarded Houston a football team over Los Angeles. “That’s too bad. Well, there’s always hope that someday maybe Los Angeles will be awarded a professional baseball team.” (Kaseberg)

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