Poetry in Motion by Some Rail Riders

It hasn’t made any bestseller lists, but “Poems by Metrolink Passengers,” 300 literary works collected by the rail service, contains some colorful prose.

A “Metrolimmerink” by Steve McCaughey of Corona begins: “There once was a man from Corona/Who felt his commute to Irvine was bologna.”

Coming from the opposite direction, Colleen Fredericks of Irvine wrote: “I remember those days/All those cars in a rush/ Commutin’ in the haze/ Crawlin’ through the Orange Crush!”

Glenn Shimabuku of Santa Clarita took a swipe at a rival author’s bestseller: “I like to ride the Metrolink/Because it lets me think/ Without the stress of honking cars/From Venus women and men from Mars.”

And Eva Ellis of Ontario declared she was proud to be one of Metrolink’s “hookers.”

Let her explain:

“They’re not the hookers you would think/Their purpose less depraved/They hook with yarn and needles/They’re very well behaved.”

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ON A SOMEWHAT RELATED SUBJECT: Remember ex-hooker Norma Jean Almodovar? She was the other kind of hooker, as well as the author of “From Cop to Call Girl.”

Well, the onetime LAPD civilian employee--she was never a cop--wants to establish a museum of prostitution in a former brothel in Butte, Mont.

Not everyone wants to give her the green light.

About 600 protesters have signed a petition, declaring that young people might see the museum and “say, ‘Let’s give it a try.’ ”

Bologna, Almodovar told the Baltimore Sun. She said the 100-year-old Dumas brothel “is an important building not only for the history of prostitution, but for the history of the American West.” Still, she’s having trouble raising the $250,000 needed to restore the crumbling Dumas. Even Larry Flynt has ignored her appeals for help.

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DOG DAZE: Carol Rice noticed an ad for a leash for very short hounds--not to mention very short walks.

GET ‘EM BEFORE THEY WILT: Arno Keks came upon a store specializing in long “steam” roses (see photo). Now that’s a hothouse!

BUT WHERE DO YOU PICNIC? Dan Fink contributed some literature detailing Hollywood Bowl attractions you probably weren’t aware of--mainly because this Hollywood Bowl is in Torquay, England.

HOLLYWOOD’S GIFTS TO THE WORLD: Some gems from “Stupid Movie Lines--the 776 Dumbest Things Ever Uttered on the Silver Screen” by Ross and Kathryn Petras:

* “This is KTTV Studios in Hollywood to Mt. Wilson. We are being attacked by the Slime People. They have us walled in the city.” (“The Slime People,” 1962).

* “I’m just a head out here. What are you in there?”--Disembodied head, sitting on table, speaking to a voice coming from a closet (“The Brain That Wouldn’t Die,” 1962).

* “Earthquakes bring out the worst in some guys.” George Kennedy, rescuing a woman from a berserk National Guardsman in L.A. (“Earthquake,” 1974).

* “Woman! Spend the night with me at Rosarito Beach! I think I’m in love with you.” Actor-on-the-make Stephen Boyd (“The Oscar,” 1966).

* “It’s great to eat under an open sky, even if it is radioactive.” Frankie Avalon, picnicking in L.A. after a nuclear holocaust (“Panic in the Year Zero,” 1962)

* “You’re ugly. You think you’re going to make a slave of me. Go on. Try your intellect on me.” Scientist’s wife (Beverly Garland) confronting the enemy, a giant cucumber. (“It Conquered the World,” 1956).

HE’S GOT A NEW CAMPAIGN MANAGER: Actor Warren Beatty was backed by just 5% of Democrats in the latest Field presidential poll. But it’s a comeback of sorts. As rich kid Milton Armitage in the 1950s TV show “Dobie Gillis,” Beatty ran for class president against Gillis (Dwayne Hickman). Though favored because of his money and good looks, Beatty’s character lost, muttering afterward, “Washed up at 17.”

Still, I think he did take the homecoming queen to Rosarito Beach afterward.

miscelLAny:

Well, the Staples Center has so far avoided disasters, unless you count Bruce Springsteen’s complaint that water pressure in the dressing room shower was low the first night. But there’s one tough test still ahead. No one really knows if the arena floor will be able to withstand Shaquille O’Neal’s 340-pound body all season.