Just Tell It Like It Is--Performance Was the Pitts

Ron Cook in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, after Penn State defensive end Justin Kurpeikis had said his team’s victory over Pittsburgh Saturday was satisfying and awesome:

“Satisfying? Awesome? After beating 34-point underdog Pitt, 20-17, on a day when Penn State was exposed as something of a fraud as a national championship contender?

“The Nittany Lions’ reaction to this embarrassing victory was as sickly as their performance.”

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Trivia time: Which NCAA Division I-A school holds the record for most consecutive football losses?

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Clip and save: Michael Wilbon in the Washington Post on the NFC East: “This year, the Redskins are playing in pro football’s weakest division. The Cowboys aren’t any good. The Cardinals may be the most disappointing team in the league, relative to last season, when they went 9-7 and won a playoff game. The Eagles are downright rotten. The Giants are OK, nothing more.

“Though it may sound more like an indictment than an endorsement, the Redskins, even at 9-7, will win the NFC East.”

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Think again: John Crumpacker in the San Francisco Examiner: “Deep into their second decade of excellence, the 49ers seem capable of just about anything in 1999. They could be good, they could be mediocre.

“That translates to 12-4, 10-6, or, heaven forbid, 8-8.”

After Sunday’s 41-3 loss to Jacksonville, an 8-8 record for the 49ers might be a stretch.

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Rubbing it in: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “This just in from the All-Africa Games in Johannesburg, South Africa: Ian Holness hit four homers and Carl Randall three as South Africa beat Lesotho, 43-0. Isn’t Lesotho a Dodger affiliate?”

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Are you sure? Nick Canepa in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Quote of the year: ‘Once again we may have squandered away some opportunities.’ Notre Dame Coach Bob Davie. Most coaches have to look at the film before being so profound.”

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Get rid of them: From the New York Times: A bleacher bum in the right-field stands at Wrigley Field calls an usher over and says:

“These guys are bothering me.”

“Which guys?” the usher asks.

The fan points to the Cubs.

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Deadly game: From the Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Pass the seven-iron and the defibrillator, please. Golf Digest and the American Heart Assn. are urging golf clubs to stock better medical equipment on the course.

“An AHA study found that golf courses are among the most common places where heart attacks occur--and that survival rates are less than 5%.”

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Trivia answer: 34, Northwestern, from Sept. 22, 1979, against Syracuse, through Sept. 18, 1982, against Miami of Ohio.

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And finally: To mark the 88th birthday of Hall of Fame boxing trainer Eddie Futch, his wife delivered him to the Playboy mansion.

“I wanted him to be surrounded by goddesses,” Eva Futch said.

Wrote Mark Kriegel in the New York Daily News: “A guy I know related this story to his wife. ‘Don’t get your hopes up,’ she says. ‘The best you’re going to get is pay-per-view.’ ”