LAUGH LINES

The Chill Factor: “A surprise spring storm dumped . . . snow in parts of the Northeast, including New York City. Meteorologists said the storm was due to cool air off the Atlantic and a severe cold front surrounding Hillary Clinton.” (Craig Kilborn)

For the Record: “A woman . . . has gotten into the Guinness Book of Records by playing 555 straight hours of pinball. The previous record . . . was set by Dan Quayle when he was vice president.” (Jay Leno)

In the Oven: “Jerry Seinfeld’s wife, Jessica Sklar, is pregnant. Jessica is thrilled. In fact, she’s already calling the child ‘my nest egg.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Separate Ways: “Geraldo Rivera is getting divorced and will give his wife whatever she wants to avoid a messy courtroom battle. She gets the house, the vacation home, the city apartment. He gets everything in Al Capone’s vault.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Making Headlines: Sam Donaldson was outraged by ABC’s decision to let Leonardo DiCaprio interview the president. He sees the handwriting on the wall. He knows we’re six months away from the ‘ABC Evening News’ with Charlie Sheen and Ally McBeal.” (Argus Hamilton)

Hands Off: “Hillary Clinton was in Grand Central Station, shaking hands with New Yorkers. You can tell she’s not a New Yorker. . . . You just don’t shake hands with New Yorkers.” (Leno)

Divine Elimination: “NBC has canceled ‘God, the Devil and Bob.’ Maybe it is true: Network executives are more powerful than God.” (Daily Scoop)

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.