LAUGH LINES

Off Limits: “The New York Times said that celibacy is a growing movement. It said 17% of people surveyed did not have sex at all last year. That’s not new! . . . They had a celibacy movement when I was a kid--we called it high school.” (Jay Leno)

Traveling Pals: George W. Bush and Dick Cheney “made their first campaign stop [in] Wyoming, Cheney’s home state. He was well-received by Republicans there. They praised the choice, saying that he adds something to the campaign that Bush desperately needs: adult supervision.” (Bill Maher)

Tying the Knot: “Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were married at a lavish ceremony overlooking the ocean in Malibu. The couple reportedly spent a million dollars on the wedding. They also reportedly spent $100,000 on security. . . . Jennifer wanted to make sure Pitt didn’t get away.” (Daily Scoop)

Gas It Up: “Ford Motors is expected to announce its program to improve gas mileage on its SUVs. Reports indicate it would be a 25% boost over the next five years. The increase would be the first significant change in the fuel economy of any passenger vehicle in nearly two decades. So now they’ll get four miles to the gallon.” (Mark Wheeler)

He Who Knows: “Pamela Anderson’s ex, Tommy Lee, says that despite all their years together, he never really got to know his wife intimately. And today, Rick Rockwell said, ‘Hey, tell me about it!’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Wise Guys: Dick Cheney “dropped out of [Yale University]--bad grades. Yet George W. Bush is a graduate of Yale. Is that scary? That means Bush is the smart one!” (Leno)

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