A Sense of Propriety: “After 360 people got arrested in New Orleans during last year’s Mardi Gras, the police are warning partyers to keep their clothes on this year. The police told all women: ‘If you want to expose your bare breasts, be a presenter at the Grammys.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

Kitty Literal: "[The Broadway musical] ‘Cats,’ [after] 18 years, 7,000 performances, is closing. . . . So ‘Cats’ has been at the same theater for 18 years, and I’m thinking, whew, man, it’s gonna take ‘em half a year to get the smell out of that place.” (David Letterman)

Sealed Fate: “Gov. George W. Bush failed to give a reprieve to that 62-year-old Texas woman who was put to death last [week] by lethal injection. I don’t think she did herself any favors. Did you hear what her last words to Bush were? ‘I’m voting for McCain.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Down in the Dump: “Disgraced figure skater Tonya Harding was arrested in Washington for assaulting her live-in boyfriend. I guess what happened was, she asked him to take out the trash and he said, ‘Wait a minute, we are the trash.’ ” (Leno)


Wedding Bell Blues: “Anybody see the multimillionaire bride talking with Diane Sawyer last [week] on ’20/20'? I guess she gave a lot of details about the honeymoon. Apparently they stayed in separate rooms, they didn’t have sex, they didn’t even talk. Or, as the Clintons call it, ‘Thursday.’ ” (Leno)

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