Yet Another Shot at Our Fine City

Indefatigable contributor Phil Proctor came across what could be one of the first doomsday warnings for L.A.

A desktop calendar of memorable quotes carries this excerpt of an interview with Italian-born heavyweight champion Primo Carnera in the 1930s:

Reporter: “How do you like Los Angeles?”

Carnera: “I knock him out in two rounds.”

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MORE INSULTS: Richard Deskin of Irvine took a photo of the Irvine Spectrum Center, a business and entertainment complex that doesn’t seem to want any business from across the Orange Curtain (see photo).

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STUPID CRIMINAL TRICKS: LAPD officers had apprehended two men who allegedly tagged an MTA facility when a third man walked up. He didn’t seem to be put off by the fact that two suspects were in handcuffs and that the cops’ badges and radios were visible. In fact, he asked one of the cops if he (the cop) planned to do any tagging. When the cop said no, suspect No. 3 brought out a spray can and allegedly went ahead without him--before he wound up in cuffs.

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ONE-STOP SHOPPING: Janet Robertson of L.A. noticed that a brochure from the Hairspace salon near Universal City offered services from hair coloring to psychotherapy. “This salon cares for the total head,” Robertson observed.

I’m reminded that several years ago, beauticians and barbers in Santa Clarita were invited to meet with the City Council. The hair specialists were asked what people in town were talking about. “Everyone talks to their hairdresser,” a city spokesman explained.

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CUCAMONGA CULTURE WATCH: The new comedy “Next Friday,” starring Ice Cube, is set in Rancho Cucamonga, where Cube’s uncle has bought a two-story mansion after winning a lottery. I’m sure the Chamber of Commerce is proud of this mention, even if the uncle does pronounce it CHOOK-a-monga.

The movie is only Cucamonga’s latest fling with the arts.

As we’ve mentioned before, a statue of comic Jack Benny at Cucamonga’s minor league baseball park pays tribute to the train conductor on his old radio show who would cry, “All aboard for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga!” He pronounced it as though it had two names: “Kook Amonga.”

“Di and I,” a novel by Peter Lefcourt--written before Princess Diana’s death--fantasized about her running off to Cucamonga with a middle-aged Hollywood writer to open a McDonald’s franchise.

In “Simpatico,” a play by Pulitzer Prize winner Sam Shepard, Cucamonga is the boyhood home of two of the principal characters. The two are involved in a racetrack scandal, but at least they pronounce the name of the city correctly.

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QUIZ TIME: On a recent episode of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” the $32,000 question concerned the original name of the HOLLYWOOD sign.

The possibilities were: A) HOLLYWOODLAND, B) HELLO HOLLYWOOD, C) HOLLYWOODVILLE, D) HOLLYWOOD, CA. (I’ll pause here to give you time to call a designated friend or relative for help.)

And the answer: HOLLYWOODLAND.

Some day the HOLLYWOOD sign may also be the answer to a question about the site of the most boring New Year’s Eve ceremony of the 20th century.

ANOTHER AL DAVIS PLOT? USA Today printed illustrations of all the Super Bowl champion rings, including the Raiders’ ring for 1983-84 season. Only the caption said “Oakland” Raiders. Please, for all the grief owner Al Davis caused us, at least give L.A. its due as the home of that year’s winner.

I knock out USA Today in two rounds.

miscelLAny:

A marquee at a Long Beach carwash says, “48 Hour Rain Check.” But how enticing can that be in this drought? Better it should say “48 Month Rain Check.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.