Seeking Stages for New Stooges

Actor and Only in L.A. snoop Phil Proctor noticed this fax in a wastebasket at Walt Disney Studios:

“To Whom It May Concern: I live in the small town of Epuyen, province of Chubut, Argentina. I am writing to propose the return of ‘The Three Stooges.’ There are three children, ages 8, 5 and 8, who remarkably resemble the original Three Stooges. I would like an address where I could send pictures and/or video filming of them. I would further request . . . that you would please consider incorporating their talents in the manner you see appropriate.”

Hmmm. I see a reality TV series about a group of Three Stooges look-alikes who are plopped down on a desert island for a month . . .

LARRY, MOE AND VERIZON: James Hill of La Canada Flintridge got a notice from Verizon Wireless telling him that he had until Aug. 3 to pay his outstanding bill of $0.00 (see accompanying). Otherwise, a collection agency would be hired to recover the non-debt. Couldn’t he pay in installments?

TRASH TALK: My colleague Jim Walters was at lunch in a plaza in Long Beach when he saw “two surfer-tech kids in their 20s finish their lunch and walk off. A few minutes later they were back, looking under the chairs and in the shrubs for something. Then one kid reaches over and grabs the other kid’s cell phone. He dials a number and all of a sudden the trash can is ringing. ‘Told ya it was on your tray,’ his buddy tells him. And with that, they dived into the burrito wrappers, leftover egg rolls, etc., for the other phone.”

HI, I’M YOUR WAITER AND I’LL DO THE TALKING: Mark Blinoff of La Crescenta spotted a hard-boiled plate on the menu of Glendale’s Ararat restaurant (see accompanying). I summoned the nerve to phone Ararat and was informed that the Armenian translation of “Eat and Shut Up” is an idiomatic expression for a meat dish with peppers, onions and tomatoes. ‘Nuff said.

GRAMMATICAL NO-NO: Michelle Waldron and several other readers came across an ad in a coupon book that was suffering from a case of bad proofreading (see accompanying).

BLOND NATION: T.C. Cirillo of Seal Beach tells me his girlfriend, Julie Silvis, has license plates that say DZ BLND. A group of women walked by the car the other day and one said, “That is the stupidest plate I’ve ever seen on a car. Why on earth would anyone put DOZEN BLOND on a car?” Yes, the speaker--like Silvis--was a blond.

Which reminded Cirillo that last Memorial Day he and Silvis were in the “Ten Items or Less” line in a supermarket and she asked the checker if it had been a busy day. The checker--also a blond--responded: “It has been steady but almost all of the people have been making small purchases so far.”

miscelLAny:

I heard from an admirer who wondered if he could have one of the outfits I’ve performed in. I was going to give him a jacket I wore on the day I composed a particularly fascinating miscelLAny item until I realized he thought I was Steve Harvey, the TV comic. To give my ego time to recover, I’m going to shut up in print for two weeks and take a vacation.