Both Davis and Roasters Done to a Turn at Dinner

Who says Gray Davis’ sense of humor matches his first name?

When he got the chance, the governor gave almost as good as he got at a Sacramento roast where the roastee-of-honor was not just Davis and his Midas touch at political fund-raising, but by extension the whole hilarious notion of those funny, funny multiple millions that pols gather in with both arms.

The $125-a-plate roast was sponsored by the nonprofit group Capitol Focus to fund education about the legislative process. It was educational, all right.

Campaign plunder earned the biggest laughs, mostly at the expense of Davis, who has earned his reputation as the Sacramento Dough Boy, taking in about a million bucks a month in campaign contributions.

“Gray Davis will be remembered as the first governor who had a tip jar on his desk,” said Senate Republican leader Jim Brulte.

Brulte again, imagining Davis on his first date with his future wife, Sharon: “Is there anything I can do for you?” she might ask.

“Yes,” Davis might say. “But I generally don’t ask for a campaign contribution on the first date.”

Davis got a chance to mock himself, too. Turning to Speaker Bob Hertzberg (D-Sherman Oaks), known as “The Anaconda” for his habit of hugging people, Davis said: “I don’t know why you keep hugging me. I’m not a big hugger. My idea of personal intimacy is a joint fund-raiser.”

Former Gov. Jerry Brown, who enlisted Davis as his chief of staff during his years as governor, said he hates roasts, thinks they’re stupid, and never went to one until now.

“But if it’s the only way I can talk to the governor,” Brown said, “I’ll take it.”

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Shut up and ride: The hazards created by motor mouths are not confined to those who chatter on cell phones from behind the wheels of cars and trucks. So says a Berkeley City Council member who wants to ban bicyclists from using cell phones.

Biking for a safer environment is all well and good, says Betty Olds, but it hardly makes for safer streets when the cyclist is engrossed in conversation. “The other day I saw someone riding their bike with a cell phone stuck to their ear, and they ran three stop signs,” Olds says.

At Bicycle Friendly Berkeley, a cycling safety group, program coordinator Jan Collins says the city should start with the real problem travelers--drivers with cell phones. “It’s like they have it backward,” Collins says. “Several times I’ve almost been hit by a driver on a cell phone.”

No talking, please, we’re Berkeley.

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Pay-per-view, or else: In the car-loving city of Ontario, home of the now-vanished Ontario Motor Speedway, neighbor to Fontana’s California Speedway, scores of people were arrested over the weekend--for watching races.

While the races that put Ontario on the map were professional contests, these offending heats were street races. Not only is drag racing illegal in Ontario, but gazing upon it is, too.

The same weekend, 50,000 people showed up to watch drag racing in Rialto, at a fund-raiser whose beneficiaries included a drug program run by the Rialto police.

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One offs: An Amtrak train passing through San Clemente clipped a surfboard, slightly injuring the man who was carrying it, and earning him a citation for trespassing . . . Complaints from Mexican American leaders prompted a beer company to pull billboards throughout the Central Valley promoting Tecate beer as “pure Mexican vitamins” . . . A jolly, white-bearded Oakley man who legally changed his name to Santa Claus in 1996 changed it back to Bob Nielsen after his fiancee told him, “I’m not marryin’ Santa Claus.”

EXIT LINE

“In response to your editorial . . . BOO. Sincerely, The Monster that would not Die.”

“What makes you think I was referring to you? There are lots of monsters under the beds of Redlands. Carl.”

--E-mail exchange between Assemblyman Brett Granlund (R-Yucaipa) and Carl Baker, editor of the Redlands Daily Facts. Baker wrote an editorial about legislation involving a local mall development, and asked whether an unnamed “enemy, the monster-who-won’t-die, [has] something sudden and shocking planned?” Granlund promptly rounded up the necessary votes, moved the legislation out of committee and over to the Senate, and dispatched the e-mail.

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Top Tickets

The next time you’re asked to pull out your license and registration, don’t feel alone. Here is a list of moving violations most commonly listed on citations by the California Highway Patrol in 1999:

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Rank Moving violation Number of Citations 1 Speeding 975,977 2 Drunk driving 86,363 3 Stop signs 36,891 4 Lane change 31,674 5 Stop lights 29,761 6 Following too closely 27,140 7 Improper lane usage 23,172 8 Wrong side of road 21,573 9 Improper passing 17,289 10 Improper turning 14,028

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Source: California Highway Patrol

Researched by TRACY THOMAS / Los Angeles Times

California Dateline appears every other Tuesday.