Long Beach’s Most Infamous Resident

Does “Gone in 60 Seconds” describe what happened to Long Beach’s good name? Certainly the city takes something of a beating in the current movie with that title.

The plot has Nicolas Cage, retired car thief extraordinaire, returning to Long Beach to steal 50 cars in four days. He’s taken on this formidable task to save his brother from the clutches of a mobster described as “the devil come to Long Beach.”

Cage is so adept, we’re told, that after he retired, “auto theft in the South Bay area went down 47%.”

The city seems to be teeming with bad guys, including one rival thief who orders Cage: “Get out of Long Beach tonight.” (Look out, Lakewood!)

The movie so upset one resident that she wrote to the Long Beach Press-Telegram, appealing to the city to hire a public relations firm “to repair our public image to the world.”

The cracks about Long Beach were bad enough. But the ultimate insult, she pointed out, was that one big car chase that supposedly winds through a seedy section of Long Beach was actually shot in another city.

What city?

Angelic L.A., of course.

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SHANGRI-L.A.: If it’s any comfort to Long Beachites, here are some slams delivered against L.A. in other films:

An Angeleno, warning Kurt Russell in “Escape From L.A.”: “You may have survived Cleveland, you may have escaped New York, but this is L.A.”

Woody Harrelson, admonishing his careless, car-less girlfriend in “White Men Can’t Jump”: “You can’t hitchhike--this is L.A.”

Paul Newman, explaining just how bad one character is in “Harper”: “As bad as there is in L.A. . . . and that’s as bad as there is.”

The devil come to Long Beach might have something to say about that.

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AND, FINALLY: Jack Nicholson in “Chinatown”: “Middle of a drought and the water commissioner drowns. Only in L.A.”

Just love that line.

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RAGING ON: Publicist Alex Litrov of Encino sent along a package of Eagle One scented vent clips (see accompanying), which the manufacturer says will fill your vehicle with such pleasant, soothing fragrances that you’ll be less likely to go the road rage route.

Or, at least, if you take care of your car the way I do, you’ll hear fewer complaints about how smelly it is.

Litrov is offering a year’s supply to the reader who has the longest commute (see my addresses at end of column).

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ON THE ROAD: Sandy Davidson was visiting Paris--whose traffic is even crazier than Long Beach’s--when she spotted an unusual sign outside a Metro station (see photo). “Ian, my teenage son, asked, ‘Kids can’t hold their dad’s hand in Paris?’ ” Davidson said.

Perhaps a Parisian commuter can explain it.

I’ll even get Litrov to throw in a couple of scented vent clips.

miscelLAny:

When a colleague told me that the Thomas Guide lists a Paseo Cerveza in San Juan Capistrano, I was suspicious. The Thomas Guide occasionally draws fictitious streets, which it uses as evidence in plagiarism suits against other map-makers.

A street named Beer Walk? But when I phoned City Hall, I was told there is indeed a Paseo Cerveza. It was given the name when a beer distributor was based there.

Only a matter of time before it becomes more famous than New Orleans’ Bourbon Street. Or at least Placentia’s Scotch Circle.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.