Rough Early Going for Baylor, Garner

The Angels’ hot--and expensive--early choices last fall to replace fallen Manager Terry Collins are wallowing in defeats and hard questions in the Midwest.

Don Baylor’s Chicago Cubs are seven games out of first in the National League Central and Phil Garner’s Detroit Tigers are even worse off in the American League Central.

Garner appears to be in the bleaker situation. His players have gone so far as to blame their new stadium--Comerica Park--for one of the worst starts in franchise history.

Catcher Brad Ausmus said the ballpark had hurt the team more than the opposition had, a perplexing concept considering the Tigers are even more inept on the road--5-14--than they are at home--6-9.

Anyway, club President John McHale told the Detroit Free-Press, “If Brad is correct, then we need a different kind of player, and we will find them.

“Strikes are strikes. Line drives are line drives. Well-struck balls are typically homers. No set of dimensions varies any of those principles.”

But aren’t excuses excuses?

Wild pitch: There are two things you never expect to hear out of someone from Denver.

The first might be, “You know, I’m not really sure a flannel shirt and Birkenstocks were appropriate for the bride.”

The other was uttered by Scott Karl, a pitcher for the Colorado Rockies, after a short-ish home run he gave up at Houston’s new Enron Field, a hitters’ park like John Rocker is a redneck’s kind of guy.

Karl said, “It’s probably not out in any other ballpark. But, it is here. That ball probably doesn’t reach the warning track at Coors [Field].”

Oh, cry us a mountain stream.

Player in pain: Joe Oliver, backup to the backup catcher in Seattle, has appeared in one game since April 12, and that was as a pinch-hitter.

Oliver amused his teammates recently when he went to the team trainer and, in mock seriousness, asked, “Am I on the DL?”

Lid lifter: A good guy with a famous sense of humor, Oliver is also known for having an unusually big head.

No, he’s not an egomaniac. He literally has a large head.

As the season is long and American League games even longer, ballplayers have time to note these sorts of things.

Three years ago, a question regarding the size of Oliver’s head arose in Cincinnati. It was so philosophical in nature that to this day it is debated in bullpens.

It is believed that Bret Boone was the first to pose it, one afternoon around the batting cage. “What would you rather have,” he said, placing a forefinger to his chin, “a million dollars or Joe Oliver’s head filled with nickels?”

A final Oliver twist: A few days after his third Gold Glove award had arrived in a large wooden crate, Red shortstop Barry Larkin committed a fielding error during a spring training game. When he returned to the dugout, Larkin was displeased.

From the end of the bench, Oliver was heard to shout: “Barry, how many times have we told you--you don’t wear the Gold Glove on the field!”

When Larkin smiled, his teammates erupted in laughter.

May the force be with him: Asked for an opinion on why Jim Edmonds was batting better than .400 and was on a pace for 60 home runs, Ken Griffey Jr. said the explanation was really quite simple.

“Wouldn’t you be happy if you were hitting in front of Big Mac?” Griffey said.

True, that would be a good place to see some extra fastballs. But Junior’s reasoning has a gapping hole.

Though he spent much of the first month batting third, Edmonds actually has batted as often in the fifth spot--behind Mark McGwire.

Off their Rockers: We have heard enough of the whole Rocker affair. Frankly, it is as boring as he is smug.

There is, however, one thing that perplexes us.

Why is it that the same ballpark security guards assigned to protect Rocker and his blessed First Amendment rights spend half their shifts ripping unflattering signs out of the hands of fans?

Apparently, freedom of speech has its limitations after you buy a ticket.