LAUGH LINES

The Perfect Gift: “Tipper and Al Gore will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. In lieu of gifts, the Gores have asked friends to send just illegal campaign contributions.” (Jay Leno)

Road Trips: “AAA says Americans will be hitting the road in record numbers for the long Memorial Day weekend. According to their statistics, [about] 34 million of us will travel 100 miles or more during the holiday, but they’re expecting a drop in traffic fatalities. That’s because most accidents happen within five miles of people’s homes--especially if they live near Halle Berry.” (Ira Lawson)

Making a Play: “Rush Limbaugh confirmed that he has indeed auditioned for ‘Monday Night Football.’ Why not? Football is like politics--just with less blood.” (Daily Scoop)

What’s in a Name?: “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince now says he wants to be known as Prince again. In fact . . . he said: ‘I’ll just settle for being known again.’ ” (Leno)

A Shoe-In: Adidas announced it has “just hired former Gillette razor blade executive Ross McMullin to head the athletic footwear company. They really had no choice. That’s how cutthroat the shoe business has become.” (Argus Hamilton)

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