LAUGH LINES

Now Hear This: “Kathie Lee Gifford’s new CD came out. It’s called ‘Heart Of a Woman,’ or as Frank Gifford calls it, ‘Welcome to My Nightmare.’ . . . Lots of new CDs this week. Yanni has a new CD, his first in years. Boy, just when you thought it was safe to get back into the elevator.” (Jay Leno)

An Eyesore: “A Delta Airlines jet was quarantined briefly in Boston . . . after a passenger on the . . . plane began bleeding from his eyes. A nurse on board the flight speculated that the man was suffering from severe conjunctivitis, or pink eye. But those seated near the man said when he found out that they were showing a Steven Seagal movie, he poked his own eyes out.” (Ira Lawson)

Seeing Green: “George W. Bush went on a Florida bus trip with brother Jeb and John McCain. The Republicans tried to show environmental support for the Everglades. Those golf shirts with alligators on them really came in handy.” (Argus Hamilton)

Money Versus Love: “Anna Nicole Smith was interviewed on ‘Entertainment Tonight,’ and they asked her if she would give back all the money if she could just have her late 90-year-old husband back. . . . She said, ‘That can’t happen, can it?’ ” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.