That’s No Cannibal, That’s My (Chomp!)
Chew on this. When Executive Assistant U.S. Atty. David Marcus quit his job recently to join the L.A. office of a Houston law firm, one of his new colleagues sang his praises thusly in the L.A. Daily Journal:
“He’s the kind of guy we’re looking for in Los Angeles. We need a hunter who can kill and eat what they kill.”
Which prompted a note to the newspaper from another L.A. lawyer, also named David Marcus.
Marcus No. 2 said: “I want to assure my clients, opposing counsel and opposing parties that although I am a zealous advocate within the ethical bounds of the law, I neither advocate cannibalism nor practice it.”
One lawyer who’s opposed to cannibalism--hey, it’s a start!
WHICH ONES LOOK HUNGRIER? Here’s part of a trial transcript in Charles Sevilla’s “Great Moments in Courtroom History” column in the magazine CACJ Forum:
“Attorney: And you looked at these gentlemen. You have no question in your mind that of the six gentlemen seated at this table, three of them are wearing yellow, which look like jail clothes; is that correct?”
“Judge: Counsel has on a yellow tie; small bow tie but it’s yellow.”
“Attorney: Of the six men that are seated here, do you have any question of which three men are in custody and which three men are lawyers.”
“Witness: No, I don’t.”
“Judge: That doesn’t mean who should be in custody, but go ahead.”
SUCH A DEAL: Maureen McConaghy found a machine that must have printed money before its price was discounted, while Mrs. Only in L.A. spotted another printer that’s evidently taken a bit of a beating (see accompanying).
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: A reader sent in a menu item for the diner who’s looking for nothing special (see accompanying).
RECOGNITION FOR THE CLIPPERS: This is a glorious time of year for sports fans, with baseball, football, hockey and basketball teams either playing or preparing to play. To celebrate, let’s review some of the cinematic tributes to the locals--and ex-locals:
* In “Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult,” officer Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) goes undercover as an inmate in a prison and later recalls that he was “surrounded by pimps, rapists and murderers.” He adds: “It was like being in the stands at a Los Angeles Raiders game.”
* Referring to the woebegone L.A. Clippers in “Love and Basketball,” one character wisecracks: “Last time they won, Dr. J. was a nurse.”
* When someone suggests naming a basketball team the Ducks in the animated movie “Space Jam,” Bugs Bunny responds: “What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would ever call a sports team the Ducks?”
* In the 1987 version of “Dragnet,” Sgt. Joe Friday (Dan Aykroyd) says of L.A.: “Sure, this city isn’t perfect. We need a smut-free life for all our citizens, cleaner streets, better schools, a good hockey team . . .”
miscelLAny:
Greg Nelson points out that if you phone National Discount Brokers on its toll-free line--(800) 888-3999--you get a recorded message that lists several options, including:
“If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7.”
I phoned and heard some sort of barnyard sound.
The things Only in L.A. does for its readers.