LAUGH LINES

Duke It Out: “Wrestling star the Rock said that George W. Bush and Al Gore still have not responded to his invitation to appear on ‘Smackdown.’ . . . It’s a pity. Millions of Americans would pay $24.95 just to watch George W. Bush wrestle with the English language while Al Gore grapples with the truth.” (Argus Hamilton)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top Signs New York

Has Baseball Fever

10. Ninety-eight percent of New Yorkers walking around carrying bats--up from the usual 94%.

9. Teams are doing so well, Hillary Clinton split on whom to pretend to root for.

8. Inscription on the Statue of Liberty reads: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and we’ll beat them in a best-of-seven series.”

7. Sirens on ambulances play “We Will Rock You.”

6. Mayor Giuliani using “baseball fever” as an excuse to spray city with toxic chemicals.

4. Crazy guys in subway adding infield chatter to usual rantings.

3. New Trump Tower built in the shape of Mike Piazza’s well-manicured mustache.

1. Upsurge in newborns named “Knoblauch.”

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