LAUGH LINES

Catching Up on Reading: “The key point in George W. Bush’s education program is to ensure that each and every child in the U.S. is at least able to read at a third-grade level. That way, they’ll have something in common with the Republican presidential candidate.” (Ira Lawson)

Death Wish: “According to Maxim magazine, they say a good place for men to meet women is at funerals. . . . Let me tell you something: If you’re a guy . . . and you try hitting on a woman during a funeral, chances are you’ll be having a funeral of your own.” (Andrew Wisot)

Running Men: “The Washington Redskins signed their star running back Steven Davis . . . to a $90 million deal. It’s no guarantee of success. The Republicans paid George W. Bush $90 million and they’re still waiting for him to start running.” (Argus Hamilton)

Blood Thirsty: “The nation’s blood supply is drying up. Shortages pose an immediate threat to organizations that rely on blood--like the IRS.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Checking In: “According to a new study, 83% of workers keep in touch with their office while on vacation. Half the time, you call just to see if your office is still there.” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.