Edmonds’ Heroics Leave This Met Cold

Jim Edmonds hit two game-winning home runs this week, both in St. Louis’ final at-bat, both against the New York Mets, both of which triggered Met reliever Rick White’s gag reflex.

White figured it was bad enough that the Mets lost.

“For Edmonds to hit them both is even worse,” he said. “He’s more of an ‘I’m the hero’ guy instead of just, ‘We won.’ He likes to appease himself more than his team.”

Yikes. White sounds like Angel material.

“That’s pretty unfortunate,” Edmonds responded, “that a guy who doesn’t have any idea who I am or anything about me would say something that silly.”

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Their heads hurt: There are curses, and then there are dark, evil places where curses go to watch baseball.

It is one thing to be a Chicago Cub employee. It is another to be a Chicago Cub fan.

The differences are subtle. See if you recognize them.

Andy McPhail, Cub president and acting GM, said this regarding his obsession to make this never-proud organization presentable: “I wake up and think ‘third base.’ ”

Admirable. The Cubs need an upgrade there.

Now the typical Cub fan, regarding his obsession: “I wake up and think ‘hangover.’ ”

See? Very slight, but still meaningful.

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It’s for you: Jack McKeon will be 70 soon. He lives on a farm in North Carolina in the off-season, and by the looks of things in Cincinnati there won’t be any in-seasons left for him.

He’s an old-fashioned guy who would no sooner walk through the grocery story with a telephone stuck to his ear than spend an afternoon in an alternative lifestyles chat room.

So, it’s no surprise the digital culture went on without him, even if nearly every other big leaguer carries a cell phone.

“Pretty soon they’ll be ringing each other up during games, talking to each other on the bases,” he said. “One can tell the other, ‘Hey, move three steps to the left.’ ”

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Job opportunities: David Cone, after separating his left shoulder, on whether he’d pitch next season: “I always said if I had to answer that question now, it’d be yes. But, it’s also a question of finding a job. There’s not a big market for 38-year-old, 4-11 pitchers.”

If nothing else, Brian Kingman is relieved.

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That’s not a compliment: Art Howe, to a reporter who notified him his Houston Astro-record 23-game hitting streak had been tied by Tony Eusebio: “Tony Eusebio? He runs like you.”

Howe had 10 stolen bases in an 11-year career. Eusebio stole the only base of his career in 1998.

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That’s not a compliment either: Lou Piniella has been going to Boston for more than three decades. He likes the town as much as the next guy. And, still, he all but called Fenway Park a dump.

“I’ll tell you one thing, you folks need a new ballpark,” Piniella told Boston writers this week. “I was leaving the park here last night and over by the gate I saw this big . . . rat. The thing looked like a cat. It scared the crap out of me. Time for a new ballpark.”

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A big loser: Omar Daal has 17 losses. Jose Lima has 15.

It has been 20 years since a pitcher lost 20 games, which is exactly how Oakland’s Brian Kingman is remembered.

You’d think he’d have a Buckner thing about it. Not Kingman. As he told Jim Caple of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, “I like the attention.”

Kingman watched and rooted against Lima--that would be for Lima to win--for much of the season. But the streaking Daal?

“He kind of sneaked up on me,” Kingman said. “I have faith in him that he could lose 20. But, unfortunately--or fortunately, depending on how you look at it--I think politics will get involved. He was part of the Curt Schilling trade and [the Phillies] are probably thinking, ‘We don’t want to look like idiots, trading Schilling for a 20-game loser.”

All of his hope is tied up in the Phillies not looking like idiots. You hate to see a grown man so vulnerable.

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Of course, it could have been the Red Man: When Tampa Bay’s Gerald Williams was hit by a pitch and then charged Pedro Martinez last week, Carlton Fisk was watching.

“Pitching inside, that’s the only way to pitch,” he said. “I saw that Tampa thing the other day and I almost wanted to puke.”

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Hold me back. No, really, hold me back: The guy who helped break up the fight?

Carl Everett. Mr. Head-butt himself.

He grabbed Martinez and pulled him from the fray. Now, Pedro usually finds the back way out of brawls without much guidance, but Everett’s intention was sound, nonetheless.

“I went in and told him, ‘Don’t even do it. It’s not worth it,’ ” said Everett, who was suspended for head-butting umpire Ron Kulpa.

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Sutton should punch him again: According to a report in The Washington Times, the Federal Trade Commission is investigating Steve Garvey for his part in pushing “The Enforma System,” a weight-loss program that Garvey hawked on infomercials.

The FTC ordered Enforma to refund $10 million to its customers.

The Times pointed out that it is probably best not to trust a man who three years ago renewed marriage vows with his wife, Candy, for the Family Channel.

Yuk.