Then Again, Would Minnie Driver Be a Short Hitter?

Bernie Lincicome, writing in the Rocky Mountin News on Tiger Woods:

“‘While Woods may be worth every penny, I have always suspected that much of what has come to him is because of his name.

“Tiger Woods. How fitting. Better than Tiger Irons or Tiger Wedge, if not quite with the scope of Tiger Lakes Golf and Country Club.

”. . . Moms and dads, some advice. Designate your kids as what you expect them to do, like Crank Homer or Puck Handler.”

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Trivia time: Who won the 100-meter freestyle in the 1924 and 1928 Olympic Games?

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Is it the shoes? Woody Paige of the Denver Post, on three 7-foot Chinese basketball players in the Olympics: “‘It is rumored there are another 100 really tall young people back home playing basketball.

“What are they feeding them? Certainly not egg rolls, because I’d be an 8-footer.”

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News flash: Art Spander in the Oakland Tribune, on NBC delaying telecasts of the Olympics: “This just in: Roger Bannister has broken the 4-minute mile.”

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Modern times: Jerry Greene in the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel: “Now they are giving every male Olympic athlete 51 condoms for their visit to Sydney. Remember when it was fashionable for Olympic athletes to show friendship by exchanging pins?”

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Want to try it? Major league bull riding is scheduled to debut in the summer of 2001 with eight teams throughout the United States.

Riders will be paid a minimum of $40,000 and receive health benefits.

Comment: They won’t be treated for the common cold in this hazardous endeavor.

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About time: From syndicated columnist Norman Chad: “As a result of the Bengals’ new ‘loyalty clause’ in player contracts, seven members of the kick-return unit admitted ties to the Communist party in the 1950s.”

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Strong opinion: Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, criticizing the tape-delay approach to the Olympic Games and Bob Costas for selling old news:

“Costas, prime-time Olympic host, turns into something of a Patty Hearst in the hands of the Symbionese Liberation Army.”

Isn’t that a bit of a stretch, Phil?

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Looking back: On this day in 1981, USC tailback Marcus Allen rushed for 274 yards and two touchdowns in a 21-0 victory over Indiana.

He went on to gain 2,342 yards in 11 games, averaging a record 212.9 yards a game, and won the Heisman Trophy.

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Leaving his mark: From Jack O’Connell of the Hartford Courant: “Baltimore Oriole right fielder Albert Belle has taken his second-half slump out on visiting clubhouses, which has resulted in his being billed hefty sums from at least two teams. The Indians billed him for damaging the carpet in the clubhouse by staining it with a red-colored soft drink. In July, the Yankees shipped Belle a bill to repair a hole he opened in a clubhouse wall by throwing beer cans at it. Too bad Belle didn’t use beer at Jacobs Field. It doesn’t stain anywhere near as badly as soda pop.”

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Trivia answer: Johnny Weissmuller, who went on to movie fame while playing Tarzan.

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And finally: Washington Redskin owner Daniel Snyder told the Washington Times about the fan who got the seats on the 50-yard line that he requested, only to complain that the sun was in his eyes during games.

Said Snyder: “I told him we’ll see what we could do about moving the sun.”