LAUGH LINES

Missing the Point: “Saying his lyrics promote hatred toward women, Lynne Cheney, wife of Republican vice presidential candidate Dick Cheney, has declared war on Eminem. When a reporter asked Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush for his opinion of Eminem, he replied that he prefers Snickers or Three Musketeers.” (Ira Lawson)

Worried Sick: “According to a new study, worrying can make you sick and increase your risk of a heart attack. Especially if you’re an NBC exec looking at the ratings for the Summer Olympics.” (Andrew Wisot)

Promises, Promises: “President Clinton plans to visit Vietnam after the election. Funny, that’s the same thing he said in 1968.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

On Memory Lane: “Al Gore got caught telling a story that wasn’t true. He told some teamsters . . . that when he was a baby, his mother would rock him to sleep singing ‘Look for the Union Label.’ Turns out the song wasn’t written until 1975, when he was 27. So you have [George W.] Bush who can’t remember what he did in his youth. You’ve got Gore who remembers things that never happened in his youth. Can’t we clone these two guys and come up with one person with a normal memory?” (Jay Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.