Some Major Differences Navigating the Links

In honor of the PGA Championship, the final major of the season, Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News wrote a column about what distinguishes professional golfers from the rest of us hackers--the real golfers.

“A real golfer never feels better than on the first tee.

“When re-spotting his ball, a real golfer always allows for the rotation of the Earth.

“A real golfer always knows how many shots he needs to break 100.

“A real golfer is always too busy adding up the scores to buy drinks.”

And with a tip of the hat to Mark Twain and John Feinstein:

“A real golfer knows golf is a good cart ride spoiled.”

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Trivia question: Which two players are tied for victories in the PGA Championship with five?

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He doesn’t get it: The minor league Nashville Sounds fired sound-effects operator Brian Kirsch this week after Kirsch played “Kung Fu Fighting” and “China Girl” to try to upset a South Korean batter from a visiting club.

Kirsch had been warned by fellow employees, but remains unrepentant.

“I don’t know that that was any more offensive to him than anything else I’ve played for any of the other guys,” Kirsch told the Tennessean. “My wife is from Thailand. My job was to push the envelope, unbalance the other team and entertain the crowd. I don’t regret anything I did.”

Here’s a request for Kirsch’s swan song: “What a Fool Believes.”

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Champagne on Olympic ice: The recent court decision that Utah must allow the advertising of alcoholic beverages would seem to be a boon to Korbel, the official bubbly of the 2002 Winter Olympics. But Korbel is still planning a subtle approach, the Salt Lake Tribune reported.

No 147-foot champagne bottle hot-air balloon. No specialty bottle.

Just cardboard commemorative collars and Olympic pins shrink-wrapped to selected bottles.

“We are sort of feeling our way,” brand manager Damon Musha told the newspaper. “We want to promote our sponsorship while making sure we are going at it in a way that works in the current atmosphere. We want to present Korbel as a celebratory beverage.”

We’ll drink to that.

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Champions of the dust: Michigan fans can wear a little of the dirt from Michigan Stadium on their own jerseys now, thanks to a company offering T-shirts that contain dirt and grass from the field.

The idea came from Hallowed Ground, a Baltimore-based company that also has produced shirts from Memorial Stadium--former home of the Colts and Orioles--as well as the stadiums at Notre Dame, Nebraska and Florida State.

The patented dyeing process incorporates stadium materials into the making of the shirt.

But we’re a little confused about washing instructions: How do you keep it dirty?

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Trivia answer: Walter Hagen (1921, ‘24, ‘25, ’26 and ‘27) and Jack Nicklaus (1963, ‘71, ‘73, ’75 and ‘80).

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And finally: John Daly has struggled mightily at times since he won the PGA Championship as an alternate in 1991, but he never has completely lost his charm.

Trudging up the 16th fairway at Atlanta Athletic Club during a practice round this week, he tossed a cigarette butt aside.

“I gotta quit smoking up these hills,” he said.