ABC Finally Realizes That This Is Kids’ Stuff

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Little Leaguers from Florida this day.

They just wanted to play a little baseball, but the grownups wouldn’t go away.

Among the life lessons that are supposed to be gained by this annual rite of running 11-and 12-year-old kids through the pressure cooker, one rings loud and true every August: There’s nothing wrong with the Little League World Series that locking out the adults couldn’t cure.

The kids just want to have some fun and enjoy a postgame Slurpee with their newfound friends from Japan.

The adults want to put this thing on national television, schedule the final for prime time on Sunday, push microphones in the kids’ faces, wire their coaches for sound, put a speed gun on their pitches, put a camera on the umpire’s mask, splash their statistics across the screen, chide a young pitcher for “losing his release point,” compare a 12-year-old left fielder to Carlos Delgado, compare a 12-year-old pitcher to Randy Johnson and generally carry on as if they were watching the Yankees and the Mariners in Game 7 of the American League championship series.

And those were just the adults working for ABC and ESPN at South Williamsport, Pa., during the last week.

That doesn’t include the grownups from Staten Island who spent more than $10,000 on private investigators in an attempt to nail the Little League team from the Bronx for using illegal players.

Or the grownups from Oceanside who wanted nothing short of a volunteer umpire’s head on a platter after a blown a call in the U.S. semifinal game against the Bronx.

The buildup to Sunday’s final between the U.S. champions from Apopka, Fla., and the International champions from Tokyo was a crash course in everything that is wrong with the Little League World Series. Out-of-control parents with too much money and free time on their hands. Overheated announcers who sounded as if they had been demoted to the minors and were auditioning their way back to the big time.

Saturday, as Apopka defeated the Bronx, 8-2, Brent Musburger actually announced that the kids from Apopka--sounds like apoplectic--had “shocked the world!”

This came after Musburger had shocked the world by treating the Bronx Little Leaguers like pint-sized versions of the ’27 Yankees (“The Baby Bombers!”), half-jokingly touting Bronx pitcher Danny Almonte for Cooperstown, 30 or 40 years down the road.

Depending, of course, on how he first deals with that ever-pesky puberty.

During the same telecast, Harold Reynolds actually said that Bronx outfielder Carlos Garcia, a big kid who lists Sammy Sosa as his hero and “eating” as his hobby, “reminds me of Carlos Delgado. That’s the kind of swing he has.”

During the same telecast, Orel Hershiser actually said that Almonte throws “in the high 70s--that’s the equivalent of a 100 mph major league fastball” before noting that another young pitcher was “struggling with his release point” and that the pitching coach “has the ability to go with a very quick hook” if the youngster didn’t get his act together with that release point pretty soon.

Meanwhile, in the bullpen, was there anybody capable of coming in to restore some perspective?

One more time, it was up to the kids to save the day.

President Bush showed up at Sunday’s final. That was a very big deal to ABC, which dispatched a reporter to interview the “the first President who ever played Little League!” and ask an Apopka player how it felt to shake Bush’s hand.

“Pretty cool,” Zach Zwieg replied.

Juxtaposed against press-box amazement over the thought of playing in front of 44,000 spectators amid “adult-sized exposure” and “tension” and “pressure” was this factoid listed in a “Bio Box” for Tokyo pitcher Atsushi Mochizuki: “Best advice: Relax.”

Eventually, Musburger and Co. figured it out. Maybe somebody made them watch tapes of Saturday’s group hyperventilation.

Whatever the reason, ABC’s announcers came back Sunday, treating the Little League final for what it was: a game of baseball played by children. Which was a very good thing, because if they hadn’t taken a big step back, things could have gotten ugly.

In the bottom of the sixth and final inning, an Apopka player made two errors that ultimately helped turned a 1-0 Apopka lead into a 2-1 Tokyo victory. Reynolds and Hershiser realized this wasn’t Bill Buckner and Mookie Wilson--no, just a nervous youngster slipping and sliding on an infield that has been hosed down between innings.

Tough plays on a wet track, Reynolds noted.

Tougher still with rubber cleats, since Little Leaguers aren’t allowed to wear metal spikes, Hershiser added.

While Apopka Coach Bob Brewer could be heard grousing about the unfortunate turn of events during a mound meeting with his pitcher and catcher, Musburger duly observed that “no one feels worse” than the boy who committed the errors. “A painful, painful moment for the young man.”

ABC did well to quickly train the camera elsewhere, instead of hovering like a one-eyed vulture drooling for the first sight of tears.

There would be enough of those when Tokyo’s Nobuhisa Baba drove in the tying and winning runs with a one-out single off the glove of Apopka’s shortstop. Down went the Apopka players onto the ground, one by one, faces buried in the grass or in their caps as they tried to shield their watery eyes from millions watching on television.

That’s entertainment?

Children’s faces tormented and twisted by despair, signing off a slick package of prime-time Sunday night programming?

The kids from Apopka might have dropped the ball with the championship on the line. But the adults are the ones who need to get a grip.