Some Last-Minute Letters for All Cornhusker Fans

They’re coming in droves, all decked in red, but we’re not talking about Santa’s helpers.

Nebraska’s arrival in Southern California today might be more aptly billed as “The Invasion of the Ticket Snatchers.”

That the Cornhusker football squad would pitch tents for the Rose Bowl four days before the first scheduled news conference and nine days before the Jan. 3 game tells you how sick these people are about their football.

Nebraska fans will soon be swarming our streets, forming a clot at Hollywood and Vine, sniffing out game tickets like hounds on a hunt.

Never mind the school has only been allotted 24,000 tickets.

To these folks, that’s like setting the bar at qualifying height in a pole vault competition. There are rumblings the Big Red machine will try to ramrod as many as 70,000 fans into the game.

“It’ll be amazing to see what that figure is,” Nebraska Coach Frank Solich recently mused.

The key for us is not to panic amid this onslaught.

By and large, Nebraska fans are decent, law-abiding people, except perhaps when it comes to ticket scalping.

As always, education is crucial to understanding what we do not know.

So, as a public service, we offer this primer on Nebraska football, A to Z.

A is for angus. It may be cliche to link a population to its beef, but it is not difficult to imagine a Nebraska fan offering choice Omaha Steaks in exchange for choice seats.

B is for Bugeaters. One of Nebraska’s early nicknames before the school settled on Cornhuskers. The school has also been known as the Treeplanters and Rattlesnake Boys.

C is for the “C” in bowl championship series. Where would Nebraska be without the BCS? The Holiday Bowl.

D is for Devaney, Bob. He went 101-20-2 as Cornhusker coach from 1962-72 and won two national titles before handing the program to a kid named Osborne.

E is for effort. Last year, about 30,000 Nebraska fans barged their way into a game at Notre Dame, turning football’s most hallowed ground into a neutral field.

F is for “fumblerooski.” Core knowledge of this play is critical to building lasting friendships. It refers to the trick play Nebraska ran against Miami in the 1984 Orange Bowl. Instead of snapping the ball to quarterback Turner Gill, center Dean Steinkuhler left the pigskin on the ground and rumbled in for a touchdown. Don’t mention the play was later banned or that Nebraska lost the game.

G is for Gotham Bowl. Nebraska scored its first bowl victory in this 1962 game at Yankee Stadium. The opponent: Miami.

H is for Husker. This is an acceptable variation of the nickname Cornhusker. It is not to be confused with “Huckster,” which might describe the Nebraskan trying to fleece you of your Rose Bowl ticket.

I is for I-formation. This is Nebraska’s meat-and-potatoes offensive set, a bruising option formation that produced the school’s 15th national rushing title this year.

J is for the Johnnys, Carson and Rodgers. One grew up in Norfolk and went on to have some success on late-night television; the other won the 1972 Heisman Trophy after failing to get into USC because of poor grades.

K is for Kansas. This is Nebraska’s oldest rival and biggest patsy. The Cornhuskers have won 33 straight games in the series.

L is for Lincoln. It’s the state capitol and home of the Huskers. The joke is on game days in Lincoln, you could fire a cannon down Main Street and no one would get hurt.

M is for Memorial Stadium. On game days, it’s the third largest city in the state.

N is for Nebrathka. How a kid who has lost his front teeth would pronounce the school’s name. Also the Oto Indian word meaning “flat water” from which the state gets its name.

O is for Osborne, Tom. In 25 years as coach, the Wizard of Os posted a 255-49-3 record and captured three national titles. He is now Congressman Osborne, having won a landslide election in 2000 to represent Nebraska’s Third District.

P is for Phillips, Lawrence. Want to see a Nebraska fan really turn red? Mention this name and then high tail it to the high country. Contrary to the outside view, Cornhuskers still think Osborne made the right decision in starting the talented but troubled Phillips in the 1995 national title game against Florida.

Q is for quarterback Eric Crouch. This guy runs like his pants are on fire, although he has no shot at playing QB in the pros. Of the 20 quarterbacks who have won the Heisman Trophy, Crouch is the first pure option-runner to win the award.

R is for records. Nebraska owns many on the football field while the Lincoln police department also has a few on file.

S is for Spencer Tracy. He won an Oscar for his portrayal of Father Flanagan in the 1938 movie “Boys Town.” The real Boys Town is located in Omaha. Because of his big-hearted dealings with wayward players, some have compared Osborne to a modern-day Father Flanagan.

T is for Tomfoolery. A few Cornhusker fans blasted me when I suggested in my Nebraska-Oklahoma game story that Osborne, a conservative, would never have called the trick pass play, Mike Stuntz to Crouch, that cinched Nebraska’s win. For the record, I asked Osborne last week if he would have called the play. Osborne: “I don’t know that I would have.”

U is for uniforms. The first-team defensive unit is known as the “Blackshirts” because that’s the color jersey they wear in practice.

V is for victories. Since 1962, Nebraska coaches Devaney, Osborne and Solich are a combined 398-77-5.

W is for wisdom. There are no smarter football fans. You know how schools have attendance quizzes on the stadium scoreboard during time outs? Nebraska is the only place I’ve been that had a quiz called “Name that formation.”

X is for ... ? Ha, thought you had us here? Believe it or not, Malcolm X was born in Omaha.

Y is for YMCA (Omaha), Nebraska’s first football opponent in 1890. The Cornhuskers have beefed up the schedule since.

Z is for zany. Most Nebraska fans are not.