Medication Thief at This Senior Citizens Facility Is Behaving Like a Real Pill

LAPD Det. Lew Parker said he hopes no party plans were disrupted for a local senior citizens facility, which reported seven packets of Viagra stolen the other day.

Ghost of Dodger teams past: One of the most curious holiday gifts I’ve seen is the 2002 Los Angeles Dodgers team calendar--a timepiece trapped in the past.

For instance, pitcher Chan Ho Park is the featured Dodger of the month for June (see accompanying), though he signed with the Texas Rangers the other day.

Others in the 2002 team calendar who will not be on the 2002 Dodgers include pitchers Luke Prokopec (the July model) and Jeff Shaw (the poster boy for December). Meanwhile, the Dodgers have been trying to trade Mr. May, Gary Sheffield, most of this month.

I’m saving my copy in the hopes that--like misprinted coins and stamps--it will be worth thousands of dollars some day. I only hope it’s not a sign that the Dodgers’ best days are in the past.

Next up to bat: Louis Hirsch of Agoura Hills read that KFWB-AM (980), the all-news radio station, will begin broadcasting Dodger games in 2003. And he asked: “Does this mean the station’s slogan will be, ‘You give us 22 minutes; we’ll give you an inning’?”

Ho, ho, heathens: While many of you are celebrating Christmas today, John Hendry of Van Nuys notes that Santa Monica’s Church in Ocean Park, which calls itself “spiritually diverse,” made sure that pagans wouldn’t feel left out. The church held a “solstice ritual” on the beach at 4:30 a.m. Saturday. I would have attended, but I overslept, swear to Zeus.

Holiday memories: I just had to share with you one of my most treasured Christmas cards, sent a few years ago by the sentimental old DWP (see photo).

Report for dinner! Speaking of Christmas, a snapshot taken by Jim Rosenberg in Wisconsin was apparently aimed at hunters, not at the animals themselves (see photo).

Stalked by a pot roast: The Star News, an L.A. County sheriff’s publication, listed these recent calls:

* A man, “acting erratically” in a bank, was “attempting to open a new account with a million-dollar bill and no ID.”

* A woman with a sore back was in more pain after her “mother and others attempted to treat her by rubbing a frozen pot roast on her back.”

* A bank teller “accidentally gave a customer a dye pack, which exploded on him” (no, it wasn’t the guy with the million-dollar bill).

* A stray rooster was chasing a worker “around his shop.”

It’s just rush, rush, rush this time of the year.

miscelLAny:

The Huntington Beach Independent’s police log included a sighting of “an elderly male . . . reported driving extremely slow while waving both hands in the air at 11:10 a.m. Saturday.” I’m trying to remember if that could have been me Christmas shopping.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012.