LAUGH LINES

She Said: “Elizabeth Taylor spoke out about her bizarre performance at the Golden Globes. Did you see that? She said that she didn’t realize she was supposed to read from the TelePrompTer. She thought those were just random words beamed from aliens from the planet Nutbar.” (Jay Leno)

Gifts Galore: “Once Hillary Rodham Clinton became a U.S. senator, she is no longer allowed to accept gifts worth more than $50. So in the year prior to leaving the White House, the Clintons received about $190,000 worth of gifts. . . . Sylvester Stallone [reportedly] gave boxing gloves worth $300. . . . Boxing gloves for Hillary? That’s the gift that keeps on giving.” (Jerry Perisho)

House Calls: “Police were called out to investigate yet another domestic disturbance involving O.J. Simpson and his girlfriend Christine Prody. . . . If the cops spend any more time at their place, O.J. will start charging them rent.” (Daily Scoop)

Dress Code: “President George W. Bush has imposed a new dress code at the White House; a little more strict, as opposed to Clinton--where staff members just needed a new dress.” (Leno)

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