LAUGH LINES

Special Viewing: “President George W. Bush invited members of the Kennedy family over to watch the movie ‘Thirteen Days,’ which is all about the Cuban missile crisis. . . . Apparently there was one awkward moment when, halfway through the movie, George W. leaned over and said, ‘Gee, I wonder how it ends?’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

On Guard: “Al Gore’s . . . teaching school now. Boy, you have to feel sorry for his Secret Service agent. . . . One day you’re taking a bullet for the president, the next day you’re dodging spit balls for Al Gore.” (Jay Leno)

Getting Right to Work: “John Ashcroft was finally confirmed by the Senate as attorney general. He can be himself now. Immediately after he was sworn in, the Justice Department filed suit against ‘Temptation Island’ for illegal mergers.” (Argus Hamilton)

Risque Business: “Does this new ‘Survivor’ [show] seem a little racier than the first one? . . . Did you see that Kimmi girl? She’s there like 20 minutes . . . and she’s complaining there was no place to pleasure herself. . . . That’s one way to keep guys from voting you off the island!” (Leno)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.