Men Don’t Make Passes at Football Fans

At least twice that I know of, a national magazine has cited Irvine as one of the best cities in America for women.

As for the men of Irvine . . . oh, who cares?

The magazine based its rankings on various things important to women, such as safety, schools, day care availability, job opportunities and shoe stores.

That just scratches the surface of what the city offers its womenfolk. On the next two Thursday nights at the Northwood Community Park, the city will offer two-hour classes on the basics of football. The classes start at 7 and are for women only.

That restriction probably violates some federal law, but I’m not going to blow the whistle on them (blow the whistle, get it?).

The class was offered last fall and is touted as being for women “who hardly know a thing about football.”

That would seem to be especially timely now, because the Super Bowl is Jan. 28. This means that “graduates” of the classes can apply their newfound knowledge to the big game, instead of watching it and continually asking the person next to them, “Why did he throw the ball to the other team?”

It surprised me to learn these Football 101 classes are still in vogue. They’ve been offered for years around the country--always with the stated intent of bringing women into the football inner circle.

That has a quaint sound to it, doesn’t it? Almost a suggestion that, if they really want to be an integral part of society, women need to learn why you don’t go for it on fourth-and-12.

Even the press release from Irvine City Hall smacks of that. “Some women who attended class in the fall signed up so they wouldn’t feel out of place attending games, Monday night football parties or during office chitchat.”

The four-hour course will be taught by Dorothy Spirus, identified as a former editor of Student Sports and California Football magazines. “I think more women would become football fans if the game was presented to them in the right way,” Spirus says in a press release. “Many will go to Super Bowl parties, and they would have a much better time if they could follow the game and not feel like outsiders.”

It Depends on How You Define ‘Fun’

Women of Irvine, don’t let society do this to you. Didn’t you fight the long, hard battle for women’s rights precisely so you wouldn’t have to go along to get along in a male-dominated world?

Remember how outraged you were when Steve Guttenberg’s character in the 1982 flick “Diner” required his fiance to pass a trivia test on the hometown Baltimore Colts before he’d marry her?

Sure, guys thought it was hilarious, but didn’t it just reinforce to you how shallow men are?

Get that feeling back. Watching the Super Bowl in two weeks with a bunch of male know-it-alls will invalidate everything you fought for. Why not remain completely clueless about football and in so doing send a loud message to society that you won’t be co-opted?

Well, it’s just a thought.

Irvine official Alana Kaleikini is a little less worked up about the whole thing, but why not? She has no decision to make. She already understands football quite well.

Hey, she says, matching their husbands’ or boyfriends’ knowledge about the game might exempt the women from Super Bowl Sunday kitchen duty. Yes, she was laughing as she said it, but I can tell she’s not the type who leaves the room for more chips when the game is on the line.

She says the football class is one of thousands offered during the year by Irvine Community Services. The courses cover the waterfront. You can learn to do magic tricks or take a course titled, “Why Am I So Angry?”

Wouldn’t either of those be a much better use of your money? Women of Irvine, this is a character test.

If you want to surrender, and sign up for the football class, telephone the Irvine Community Services Department. The fee is $35.

But as you’re dialing, remember this: There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who knows nothing about football.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.