If McCarron Wins Cup, It Will Be by a Bobble-Head

The folks at Hollywood Park will be giving away bobble-head dolls today of jockey Chris McCarron. That makes them life-size.

TODAY IS also the running of Hollywood Park’s signature race, the Gold Cup, and if you bet a bobble or two on McCarron’s horse, Futural, to win the race, you ought to have your head examined.

You’d have better luck throwing your money in the ocean than betting on a McCarron horse in the Gold Cup. The tide might bring your money back.

McCarron has won more than 7,000 races, including the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, the Belmont--twice each--and about every major stakes race, but you could blindfold a slumping Tim Salmon, spin him until he’s dizzy, bat him against Randy Johnson and I’d still like his chances to make it to first base before McCarron gets to the finish line in the Gold Cup.

The guy is winless in 18 Gold Cups--finishing second nine times. When he enters the starting gate, I want him to look at the fans, who will be holding their McCarron dolls, the head bobbing up and down as if to say: “Yup, he’s going to finish second again.”

I’m not exactly sure how I put it, but I think I told McCarron he’s a real dog when it comes to this race, so he started howling like a dog. He ought to try that while parked on Futural’s back--I know I felt like running.

“No one says I can’t win this race,” McCarron yelped.

I remember raising my hand, telling him he couldn’t win this race and then being thankful he didn’t go to the whip.

“Yeah, it bugs me to think we have this wonderful race with such great history and I don’t have one of those trophies on my shelf,” he said.

You mean they give trophies to the jockey who wins the Gold Cup?

“I’ll have to ask Laffit Pincay to be sure--remember, I’ve never won one,” McCarron shot back, and if only he was that quick in the Gold Cup.

McCARRON HAS already established himself as the first jockey to lose the race two months before it has been run. He was supposed to be riding the favorite, but Tiznow suffered a back injury in April, and now you know why McCarron’s bobble-head doll is dressed in Tiznow’s colors. McCarron even made the bobble-head designers zero for one in Gold Cup promotions.

Instead of breaking the Gold Cup hex, now he’ll eat dirt trying to catch Captain Steve and Skimming. It’s a good thing you don’t have to win the Gold Cup to gain admittance to the National Horse Racing Hall of Fame.

“I made the hall my first year of eligibility in 1989, so I’m sure they assumed by now I would have won one,” McCarron said.

Talk about having a monkey on your back, I wonder how Futural feels this morning getting up knowing he has no shot in the Gold Cup?

That begs the question, of course, is it the horse, or the rider?

“It’s called horse racing--not jockey riding,” McCarron said.

So if it’s the horse, this might be the time for McCarron to saddle Futural and whisper into his ear to get a move on.

“This horse is like a bicycle with a brain,” McCarron said. “He doesn’t move forward or even maintain his position unless you . . . “

At this point I must report that McCarron started making weird animal noises, and on top of his howling dog routine, I’ve got a pretty good idea who has seen “Dr. Dolittle 2” recently.

“As soon as you stop riding Futural, you feel deceleration. So you have to stay busy, and then when he gets in front, he wants to wait, which means he decelerates again. He’s like that running back who is running all by himself 30 yards down the field and then slows down to taunt everyone.”

McCarron and a horse that slows down seems like the perfect Gold Cup combination. Now I know McCarron’s horses have collectively won more than $247 million in his career--that’s more than any jockey in racing history--but I wouldn’t give a plug nickel for Futural’s chances today.

“I love a challenge,” said McCarron, and I have to tell you, after the pounding I gave him in this interview, he not only kept a sense of humor, but demonstrated he’s one of the nicest athletes I have ever met.

But you know where nice guys finish in the Gold Cup.

THE CHARGERS are making preparations to throw a scare into their fans in San Diego and setting the stage to exercise an escape clause in their Qualcomm Stadium lease which would free them to explore a move to the Orange County-L.A. area after the 2003 season.

The Chargers have had John Hinek, the team’s director of business operations, visiting more than 20 L.A.-area college locations in the past month with the intent of moving the team’s training camp here next summer.

The Times has spoken to a number of the school officials that Hinek has addressed, and while the team had strong interest in UC Irvine, UC Riverside appears to be the most interested in landing the Chargers.

“We’ve exchanged proposals and we’re talking about an eight-to-10-year deal,” said Stan Morrison, Riverside’s athletic director. “I would hope we could reach an agreement in three weeks or so, because with the improvements in facilities that we would need to make [building locker rooms], we would have to get started on something like that a year ahead of time.”

The Chargers have trained at UC San Diego since 1977 and pay $1 a year. New Charger General Manager John Butler told San Diego Union-Tribune columnist Nick Canepa he wants to go though a camp at UCSD before making the decision to move, but he said he likes the idea of going elsewhere to unite the team.

Insiders say the team has already decided it will move camp.

The Spanos family, which owns the team, has been stating for years that it must have a new stadium. There is little public sentiment presently in the team’s favor, but taking training camp to L.A. will be a message to everyone the team could follow on a permanent basis if San Diego does not cooperate in giving it a new playpen.

The way things are going--it looks like only a matter of time before the L.A. Saints open an NFL season against the Orange County Chargers.

TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Anna:

“I’m canceling my subscription because of your offensive column [about the Sparks]. I’m sick of having it on my kitchen table.”

Whatever it takes to clean up that kitchen.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.