Money for Nothing and No Questions Asked at City Hall

When I heard they were giving away money at City Hall this week, I threw an application together and dashed over there as soon as I could.

If you missed Tina Daunt’s stories in The Times, Los Angeles City Councilman Nate Holden put two former colleagues on the public dole to tide them over until they find real jobs.

It was Christmas in July for ex-Councilmen Mike Hernandez and Rudy Svorinich Jr. They were signed up at $950 a week for consulting work, retroactive to July 1.

For Svorinich, it was like hitting the lottery without buying a ticket. He didn’t even know he’d been hired until Daunt told him. And as if that weren’t sweet enough, Hernandez and Svorinich are currently on vacation.

Hey, I’m available. Especially after Holden said of the salaries, “That’s peanuts.” Who knows? Maybe he’s got scads more to give away.

“This is the kind of guy I am,” Holden told The Times. “Sometimes people need help. I wanted to pick them up.”

First thing Thursday morning, I was in Holden’s office with my job application. I was surprised there wasn’t a line. If you’d like to tell the councilman how excited you are about the executive welfare program, go ahead and give him a call at (213) 485-3323.

“I’m here to get a job,” I told the receptionist. She perused my paperwork and told me to have a seat as she went to get someone.

To be honest, I felt a little bit like a thief. I mean, if there were anyone at City Hall with either a spine or a conscience, there’d be an investigation underway.

But brand new Mayor Jim Hahn, who was backed by Holden, declined comment. And City Controller Laura Chick--who might have raised a dozen questions about council members’ discretionary funds and how they’re spent--shrugged.

Profiles in courage.

Nice to see, by the way, that Kenny Hahn’s boy, Jimmy, is out of the blocks like a champ.

But easy money is easy money, and I’m never too proud to belly up to the trough. In fact, I was getting a little annoyed at how long it was taking Holden’s staff to process my application. It’s not as if Svorinich and Hernandez are giants in their field, so I ought to be qualified for something.

Svorinich pocketed thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from the taxi industry last year while heading a council committee looking into franchising. When asked about the apparent conflict of interest, he said: “So?”

Go ahead. Take a wild guess what industry Holden says Svorinich will advise him on.

They should have their own show on the Cartoon Network.

Hernandez’s one memorable moment as a councilman, aside from writing a letter to President Clinton on behalf of convicted cocaine dealer Carlos Vignali, was his own cocaine problem. Upon returning from a drug diversion program, Hernandez was greeted by cheering masses. Many of whom, it was later learned, were bused to the event with no idea what it was about.

Fiction pales.

As I sat in Holden’s lobby, waiting to hear what my starting salary would be, I noticed four photo albums. I opened the first one to a photo of the councilman and a staff member arriving in Korea, in warmup suits, to represent the city’s interests.

I figured they were promoting an international track meet or were perhaps on retainer from the cigarette industry, because Holden’s colleague was wearing a Marlboro hat. Either way, L.A. couldn’t have classier ambassadors.

Flipping through the album, I found 16 photos of Holden seated at a dinner table with a group of Koreans. Why, I wondered, would he use 16 nearly identical photos of this dull affair when he’s got photos from a clothing-optional karaoke bar in Korea?

You remember that little scandal, don’t you?

“That’s the way you do official business there,” Holden said in his defense when critics wondered what he was doing in the company of a singer clad in nothing but her underpants.

You have to admit, there’d never be a dull moment working for this guy.

Finally his executive assistant, Dianne D. Tolbert-Hockless, came out to greet me.

“The councilman is not in right now,” she said.

No problem, I said. I’d be happy to wait.

She looked at my letter and suggested I send in a resume.

All the relevant information is in there, I told her, complete with details of my vast experience in the fields of housing (I just bought a house) and transportation.

“Are you aware,” I asked, “that I’m the innovator of the program where you pick up day laborers so you can ride in the carpool lanes?”

She said someone would get back to me.

It had better be soon. I’d like a little walking around money in my pocket when I start my vacation.

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Steve Lopez can be reached at steve.lopez@latimes.com.