Tulsa Bake-Off

Say what you want about how the courses are set up at the U.S. Open--words such as “suffocating” and “unfair” and “are you kidding?” come to mind--but you have to give the guys who make them that way a lot of credit.

For instance, last year at Pebble Beach, they made the course so hard that the second-place score was three over par. The fact that this was a mere 15 shots behind the winner, a Mr. Tiger Woods, proved they knew how to separate the field.

Now we come here to Southern Hills, a place so hot that even the bunkers have tans, where the degree of difficulty is even higher than it was at Pebble Beach.

How do we know this?

Before the U.S. Open even began this morning, the USGA had to change the setup on two holes--the all important ninth and 18th--because they proved to be too tough.

There were so many clues, the USGA just couldn’t ignore them. What happened, especially at the 466-yard, mostly uphill, dogleg right, par-four, absolutely killer finishing hole to an elevated green, was that perfectly struck golf balls hitting the center of the sloping green had the annoying habit of rolling right back off until coming to a stop about 40 yards away.

Many considered this unfair. And, surprisingly, the USGA agreed.

It wasn’t bad enough that Vijay Singh complained (because Singh complains about everything) or that Nick Price complained (because Price is too nice and you can ignore him), but when Woods said the 18th was unfair, all heck broke loose.

All of a sudden, a bunch of guys in bow ties and starched shirts moved so quickly to change it, they were in danger of losing the creases on their khaki slacks.

The USGA decided to maintain the height of the bent grass greens at the 18th and the ninth at a slightly higher level and to fertilize and water them. The idea, according to Fred Ridley, the director of the championship committee, is to make the surface fair.

What a concept. We are sure this is exactly the reasoning the USGA has used many times, such as in the 1979 U.S. Open at Inverness. When Lon Hinkle discovered a shortcut over the dogleg left, par-four eighth hole and started cutting the corner to the 16th fairway, a huge evergreen appeared overnight, planted just to the left of the tee where Hinkle had been aiming.

It is the USGA philosophy at its Opens that par is a good score. It is not the same philosophy enjoyed on the PGA Tour, which usually sets up its courses so they’re nothing more than grassy shooting galleries and operates under the notion that fans like to see birdies and eagles more than 156 guys grinding out par on every hole.

We have witnessed on many occasions the way the USGA treats anyone who doesn’t respect par. For instance, when Johnny Miller closed with a 63 to win the 1973 U.S. Open at Oakmont, the USGA fought back the next year at Winged Foot and made the rough so high you could have lost your caddie in the hay. Hale Irwin’s winning score in 1974 was seven over.

This was also the time when Sandy Tatum of the USGA issued his now famous line that the USGA wasn’t trying to embarrass the world’s best golfers, only to identify them. After that carnage, they could have used dental records. It was Tatum, by the way, who was responsible for the Hinkle tree.

So what they did at Southern Hills isn’t unusual at all. In fact, it is entirely in keeping with a long-held belief that U.S. Open courses should be so difficult that it’s probably a good idea to bring your pastor along as your caddie.

The fifth hole at Southern Hills measures 642 yards and is the longest par five in U.S. Open history. Another way to look at it, it’s nearly 6 1/2 football fields long. This hole would represent a long drive for anybody, even the Baltimore Ravens.

But there is still one question about the fifth hole: Is it long enough?

Woods reached it in two in his practice round Monday, his second shot from 280 yards to the front of the green. He says he probably won’t try it during the tournament, but he might, depending on the wind. David Duval says there are probably only five or six guys capable of bombing it onto the green in two, a group that obviously includes himself, Woods, and probably Ernie Els, Singh, Davis Love III and Phil Mickelson. Maybe Mark Calcavecchia too.

Then there is the 16th, which is 491 yards and is the longest par four in U.S. Open history. The USGA could make the hole longer by moving the tee back even farther, but if it did that, the players would be taking their first swings in Ponca City.

It was pretty funny hearing Ridley describe the Southern Hills setup as “relatively long,” which is like saying broccoli is “relatively green.”

Come on. We have been paying attention, you know. We are aware there’s a reason it’s called “rough,” that two-story trees often pop up overnight and that perfectly placed shots will roll 40 yards off the green unless Tiger howls.

Hey, here at the U.S. Open, it’s all par for the course. And par is a good score, right?