XFL Fans Will Always Have Their Memories

A hard look at the news through the lens of an XFL-cam.

News item: XFL announces plans to allow teenagers to play in league.

Second thought: This may appear a bit harsh, but it actually fits in nicely with the league’s new “Tackle Your Toddler” program.

News item: XFL ratings drop for a fourth consecutive week.

Second thought: Instead of the national anthem, next weekend’s games should open with “Taps.”

Is it too early to project which XFL games will end up on ESPN Classic?

It would be hard to top Chicago at Los Angeles on Feb. 10, that double-overtime thriller that nearly knocked the start of “Saturday Night Live” into Sunday morning.

We can visualize it now, Classic host Chris Fowler introducing the segment with his arms around two girls--from a hot tub.

Quick, what’s your all-time XFL team?

You could debate this all day with your friends. but any team has to start with San Francisco Demon quarterback Mike Pawlawski. Through four weeks, he was the XFL’s all-time leader in yardage, completion percentage and touchdowns.

My running backs are Chicago’s John Avery--simply the best I ever saw play in the league--and Las Vegas back Rod “He Hate Me” Smart. There were better backs than Smart, but you can’t dismiss the impact he had on the league and society at large.

My receivers are Stepfret Williams of Birmingham and Jermaine Copeland of the L.A. Xtreme, whose XFL single-game record of 17 catches still stands.

The rest of my all-time team, like the league’s future, is pending.

News item: Dodgers continue spring training workouts at Vero Beach.

Second thought: Except for the Gary Sheffield stuff, and starting third baseman Adrian Beltre not being able to digest solid food since Jan. 11 because of complications caused by an emergency appendectomy, and outfielder Shawn Green being out with a thumb injury, and Dave Hansen breaking a bone on his middle finger, this has been one of the best Dodger camps I can recall.

News item: San Diego Chargers release quarterback Ryan Leaf.

Second thought: In 1998, for a story I did on brain typing of athletes, expert Jonathan P. Niednagel teased me with this tidbit: In evaluating the top NFL quarterback prospects, Peyton Manning and Leaf, Niednagel said one had the same brain type of Joe Namath, John Elway, Ken Stabler, Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Brett Favre and Johnny Unitas.

Niednagel said the other had the same brain type as Scott Mitchell and would struggle.

Niednagel, however, wouldn’t divulge which quarterback had the scintillating synapses.

Unfortunately, I misplaced Niednagel’s phone number, so now I may never be able to figure out which quarterback was which.

News item: The same week he appears on the cover of Sports Illustrated, Boston star shortstop Nomar Garciaparra is lost for at least two weeks because of a wrist injury.

Second thought: SI denies Garciaparra’s injury has anything to do with the magazine’s so-called “jinx,” but just to be safe, SI has put swimsuit cover girl Elsa Benitez on 24-hour surveillance.

News item: Temple football kicked out of the Big East Conference.

Second thought: Temple alum Bill Cosby and his sidekick, Fat Albert, are said to be distraught and considering legal action.

More on Temple’s doom: There’s a chance Big East Commissioner Mike Tranghese will have to give Temple the heave-ho again next week when NCAA tournament pairings are announced.

Tranghese is chairman of the men’s basketball selection committee and Temple’s streak of 11 consecutive NCAA tournament appearances is in jeopardy.

Side note: Because Temple’s basketball team is a member of the Atlantic 10 Conference, Tranghese does not have to recuse himself from discussions about the Owls.

News item: Robert Allenby wins rain-soaked Nissan Open.

Second thought: We hear footage of the golf tournament has been purchased and will be used for special effects in the making of “The Perfect Storm II.”

News item: Duke beats North Carolina in basketball.

Second thought: We’d like to get swept up in the extraordinary significance of this game, but the schools are likely to meet next week in the Atlantic Coast Conference tournament finals.

However, I would be interested in knowing whether ABC analyst Dick Vitale feels this is the best rivalry in sports.

News item: The 125th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is promoted as the second-oldest continuous sporting event behind the Kentucky Derby.

Second thought: Sporting event? If walking your dog is a sport, please add these live-animal college mascots to my list of prospective Heisman Trophy candidates:

* UGA, Georgia

* Ralphie, Colorado

* Mike the Tiger, Louisiana State.

* Smokey, Tennessee.