Simon Farce Deserves the Hook

Never, ever discount the cachet of the name Neil Simon. For without Simon’s name attached as author of “Rumors,” this farce barely over a decade old would long be forgotten.

How else, other than Simon’s name, to explain the play’s steady life as a stock item in the seasons of countless American theater companies? And since “Rumors” is set in the present, it’s easier to do (we guess) and easier for audiences to sit through (we guess again) than the infinitely better farces of Feydeau, which nobody does anymore and yet are the model for Simon and Ken Ludwig, the other farceur whom theaters can’t seem to get enough of.

Oh well. Here’s “Rumors,” in the Santa Clarita Repertory Theatre’s pleasant confines, even though Brian Maly’s all-important set looks awfully squeezed on the theater’s smallish stage. This was the same house that presented an interesting revival last year of Ted Tally’s South Pole drama “Terra Nova,” which looked enormous on this stage.

But now, under new artistic director Craig Duswalt, intriguing work like “Terra Nova” looks like a thing of the past. The 2001 season includes such retreads as “Wait Until Dark” and “Deathtrap,” along with “Picasso at the Lapin Agile,” newish but already overdone. If a season indicates anything about a company’s direction, the direction of this group appears to be shifting from eclectic to ultraconservative.

Certainly, that’s the case with director Shannon Penrod’s staging, which gets the play across but with no electricity or verve. Yes, Simon’s farce is one of his dumbest works, with a premise that’s almost impossible to overcome, but that’s no excuse for this standard-issue treatment.

It seems that New York Deputy Mayor Charlie Brock has shot himself in the earlobe either because his wife has left him or the Mets lost or something else (it truly doesn’t matter), and he’s done so just before his 10th wedding anniversary party. His attorney, Ken (Tim McLaughlin), and lawyer wife, Chris (Julia Self), are the first to arrive, so they have to deal with the mess. Ken’s bright idea, based on his fear that it would be disastrous if word got out that Charlie had shot himself, is to cover it up from the soon-to-arrive guests.

In comes Charlie’s accountant, Lenny (Duswalt), and his sharpie spouse, Claire (Mandy Turpin), who’s suspicious from the get-go.

Then, it’s Charlie’s shrink, Ernie (Jim Miller), and his dim wife, Cookie (Carolyn Hause), who has her own cooking show. (Simon gets mega-mileage out of this pun, which gives an idea of the comedy’s poverty of ideas.) Finally, there’s state Senate candidate Glenn (Michael Longfield) and his ever-complaining young wife, Cassie (Kristen Gass), who’s really into crystals. Whenever Simon runs dry in his situations here, he manages to have his characters strain their back, lose their hearing, get an ache in the neck or stub a toe.

This paltry business is stretched into two acts thanks to a visit by the curious local cops, led by Robert Langenbucher in the show’s funniest performance as Officer Welch. If nothing else, the actor benefits from getting on and off stage without overstaying his welcome. Nearly everyone else is just stuck here, and Penrod doesn’t inspire her cast to cook up the farce into something even halfway ditzy. Everyone is on their marks and on their beats, but nobody takes it to that extra level that memorable farce demands. Conservative theater will do that to you.

BE THERE

“Rumors,” Santa Clarita Repertory Theatre, 24266 San Fernando Road, Newhall. Fridays-Saturdays, 8 p.m.; Sundays, 2 p.m. Ends March 24. $12.50-$15. (661) 222-7278. Running time: 2 hours, 15 minutes.