Not That There’s Anything Wrong With Plan, but . . .

I got so carried away celebrating the Kings’ victory the other night that darn if I didn’t miss the Sparks’ late-evening rally with Girl Bar Los Angeles in an announced effort to woo lesbians to their games.

As you know, I’ve been concerned for some time. But I’m told the fact I gave the team the cold shoulder a year ago has nothing to do with sending the Sparks in this direction.

The Sparks are trying to expand their marketing efforts, and if I read columnist Diane Pucin correctly in today’s sports section, the team’s pitch to embrace lesbians is good for mankind.

I still wonder how those overhead scoreboard shots in Staples Center--when the camera pressures couples in the crowd to kiss each other--are going to go over, but I’m sure it won’t be the first time these people have seen a man kissing a woman.

All I know is if this ticket-selling drive works for the Sparks, I’d think Disney would want to do the same thing for the Mighty Ducks. Then you could have, “The Gayest Place on Earth” right down the road from “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

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I’M PROBABLY A little more practical than Pucin, who painted a “good for the Sparks” picture of autographs, life partners and progressive thinking. I mean when Sandy Sachs, the Girl Bar Los Angeles co-founder, says the Sparks are offering four-game premium ticket packages to lesbians, I have a question.

I know I would take someone’s word for it, but unless there’s some kind of ID card that I’m not familiar with, how are the Sparks going to separate the lesbians at the ticket windows from someone like my wife?

(Please contain yourselves in your e-mail wisecracks)

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I KNOW THERE are varying opinions when it comes to things like this. Pucin is nominating the Sparks for a Nobel Prize. Others might think that such a campaign will turn some fans away.

So I thought it might be a good time to see how he thinks and have a man-to-man chat with the grocery store bagger, you know, my future son-in law--if my daughter doesn’t dump him first.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Simers, your daughter is not a lesbian,” he said.

I don’t think we’ll be having many more of these man-to-man chats.

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TRUE STORY. THEY had a raffle with 90 prizes available in last week’s Padua Village Golf Classic, which benefited the developmentally disabled.

I won a prize in the random drawing. A gift certificate to Vons.

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NOW THAT THE Dodgers have released Carlos Perez, I have a question. If you are 30 years old and the Dodgers are required to pay you $7.5 million while you sit at home, do you still buy a lottery ticket each week?

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IF YOU ARE Darren Dreifort, are you trying to be like Carlos Perez?

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MINNESOTA GOV. Jesse Ventura wrote a letter to Yankee owner George Steinbrenner apologizing for fans throwing objects at former Twin Chuck Knoblauch. Ventura wrote, “We have a reputation in Minnesota for having knowledgeable sports fans . . . “

Minnesota, of course, is also known for not having very knowledgeable voters.

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AFTER CALLING A news conference because he said he wanted the truth known, former Dodger GM Kevin Malone went on several radio shows to say I was a former “colleague” of Jim Esterbrooks, the fan in San Diego who had been in a confrontation with Malone. Several journalists, including Fox’s Gaard Swanson, reported the same thing, suggesting I was a “friend” of Esterbrooks.

No one checked with me.

Not one media outlet called to ask if there was any truth to such a suggestion, although Los Angeles Daily News columnist Steve Dilbeck did his homework and asked Esterbrooks. Dilbeck reported in Friday’s newspaper that Esterbrooks had worked at a “little newspaper” in San Diego, but had never met me.

I worked previously for the San Diego Union, but I never had the occasion to meet or talk to Esterbrooks, who worked at a different newspaper. I never heard his name until I received an e-mail from him telling me that he knew I had written about “Dodger Boy,” and so maybe I’d be interested in hearing about an incident in Qualcomm Stadium. I talked to him twice to verify his story, which has been the extent of my contact with Esterbrooks.

Swanson did not return a telephone call.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Boltruben:

“You have to be the dumbest sports writer in the country.”

How many of the 166 columns that I’ve written did you read before figuring that out?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.