Lessons That Begin at Home

People often talk of the innocence of a child’s view of the world even in troubled times, but for Maria Shriver, the current crisis should be seen as a teaching opportunity. “It’s interesting that so much of how we view things is a result of how we’re brought up,” she says. “We can talk to our children at a very young age about different countries and cultures, about stereotypes, misconceptions, about people being brought up in a different way. And it would be wonderful if those countries could talk about American children and how they’re brought up.”

Shriver’s latest book for children--published a month after the Sept. 11 attacks--has taken on a relevance no one could have anticipated. With a focus on people who are different, specifically those with disabilities, “What’s Wrong With Timmy?” (Warner Books) tackles themes of tolerance and understanding. In it, a mother talks to her daughter about looking past the differences and seeing instead the ways we are all the same.

“Children worldwide want the same thing,” Shriver says. “They want to be part of a family. They want to be fed. They want to be loved. Whether you’re mentally disabled, whether you’re a foster child, whether you’re in a different culture.”

The book also strikes a chord with those who have felt unattractive, uncool or lonely because of being the outcast on the school playground. “I’m trying to reach that feeling in all of us,” Shriver says, her polish and confidence almost undermining her words. As a member of one of America’s foremost families and after years of being in front of the cameras as a television news anchor, what does she know about being a misfit?

“It’s funny you should ask that,” she says. “After the book came out, I started to think about it, and I realized that I always felt different. Let’s face it, I came from a family that was extremely different. I grew up in a very clan-oriented way. It was ‘us’ against the world. In my formative years, the ‘60s, my family was a huge focus of attention. People would ask, ‘Which one are you?’ No matter which way you cut it, you’re a Kennedy and that’s your identity. That in and of itself makes you unusual.

“That’s why I wrote ‘What’s Wrong With Timmy?’ so much broader than just being about a disabled kid,” she says, sitting in a sunny Santa Monica cafe. “I think that we all--if we acknowledge it--have felt isolated in some way. Certainly, I identify with that feeling of not fitting in. I was never the cheerleader. I wasn’t in Girl Scouts. My parents weren’t friends with all the other parents in school; they weren’t part of the group. So I identify with Timmy ... in feeling out of the ordinary. Many of us have felt like we’re pointed at, or whispered about, or out of the circle.”

She learned about tolerance and compassion early on. Her father, Sargent Shriver, was the first director of the Peace Corps. Her mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, founded the Special Olympics. “There were a hundred retarded kids paired off [for competitions] in a camp my mother originally started in my backyard,” recalls Shriver, who, with her sky-blue eyes and shoulder-length mane, is quite striking on this eve of her 46th birthday.

“I watched those children who started out in life with everyone thinking they’d never be able to do anything, written off from birth. Watching them struggle, watching their parents struggle. I think in a very strange way, that’s why I wrote the book. To continue my family’s work in that field.”

But she was also motivated as a parent. “There aren’t a lot of books out there for parents and kids to talk about together,” she says. “The big challenge as a parent is to connect with my child’s inner thoughts. Usually, our discussions are, ‘How’d you do in school today?’ It’s really hard to find out if your child feels different.

“I talk to my girls when I’m sitting on their beds--it’s easier. But with the boys, I do it in the middle of playing handball or basketball with them--that’s when I get my info.” It’s from these informal talks that Shriver got the idea for her first children’s book: “What’s Heaven?” her 1999 release that discusses what happens to people after they die. It was inspired by the questions her oldest daughter asked after Rose Kennedy, Shriver’s grandmother, passed away. “When I read ‘What’s Heaven’ to my 8-year-old, he would always stop to talk about the part where the dog dies,” Shriver says. “It was a huge event [for him] ... and it was a way for me to find out that this was a formidable feeling for him. ... I didn’t have those kinds of discussions with my parents.”

While “What’s Wrong With Timmy?” now holds the No. 2 spot on the New York Times children’s picture books bestseller list, Shriver says she doesn’t read her books’ reviews, which have been mostly positive. She doesn’t check her sales ranking on Amazon.com. Instead, she gauges the success of her work by the reaction from the people she encounters. “The most important thing to me,” she says, “is what people say.” Like Robert, the Special Olympics athlete who told her he bought a thousand copies of the book to sell door to door because it is the best way for him to be understood. Like the English teacher who read the book and was prompted to call the special education teacher to suggest they make their first-grade classes “reading buddies.”

“What’s Heaven?” (St. Martin’s Press) was published two weeks after the Columbine High School shootings in 1999. When Shriver covered the aftermath of that shooting, she saw firsthand the impact the book was having. She did most of her reporting from the parking lot where she saw the students’ makeshift shrines--the stuffed animals, the letters. Often, her book was among the gifts people left in memory of the victims. A few months later, when her cousin John Kennedy Jr. died, Shriver heard that “What’s Heaven?” was one of the mementos being left by the grieving on the stairs of his New York apartment.

Now, with people everywhere looking for solace, the book is going through a resurgence. Originally selling more than 500,000 copies, the book is getting a second run of 60,000 to keep up with demand.

“Heaven,” Shriver writes in the book, “is a beautiful place up in the sky, where no one is sick, where no one is mean or unhappy. It’s a place beyond the moon, the stars and the clouds. Heaven is where you go when you die.” It’s this uncomplicated view of life after death that so many people are finding comfort in. Shriver says she has been getting hundreds of letters from people who lost someone on Sept. 11 and who are comforted by the book’s descriptions.

“I didn’t have to go back [to childhood] to get that vision, it’s right there. I try to keep a childlike joy in my life. Having young children, I try to keep that curiosity and look at the world as a child does.”

Shriver is, of course, married to movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger. They have four children, ages 11, 10, 8 and 4. “People say to me, ‘Where do you find the time to write these things?”’ She laughs. “It’s almost embarrassing. I can’t not write them. I am one of those people who is scribbling things on an envelope. I’m writing on things in my purse. I’m writing at the dinner table.”

At a time when the country is jittery over plane crashes, anthrax scares and reports of further threats, Shriver is trying to reassure her children by getting back to life “as normal as possible. If they have questions, I try to deal with it in a very open and honest way,” she says.

With California just coming out of high-alert status, there is a lot of talk of good versus evil. Some people argue that evil does not exist. Shriver disagrees. “As a Catholic, I think there is evil in the world. We are all capable of evil, but it’s up to individual choice. ... You can make a choice to be mean and a bully, or you can make a choice to be kind and compassionate. I thought about this question a lot when Arnold did the movie ‘End of Days.’ Is there a devil? If you believe in God, do you therefore believe in the devil? I’m a strong believer in God.”

Faith is an important component in Shriver’s life. “It’s a challenge to all of us on an ongoing basis to live our lives in a way we find to be exemplary,” she says. “There are choices we have to make in our profession, with our children, all of these things. I go to church every week to find a place to reflect on my week and to ask for help on the week ahead. Each week I need to be challenged to be a better parent, a better woman.”

In “What’s Heaven?” Shriver writes: “I believe that if you’re good throughout your life, then you get to go to heaven.”

“And I truly believe that,” she says passionately. “I’m trying to make my life count. I’m trying to make my voice heard. So in the end when I look back, maybe in some small way I will have made a difference.”