Pencils Ready? It’s Time for the O.C. Conflict-of-Interest Quiz

Believe it or not, elected officials throughout Orange County are briefed on conflict-of-interest and other laws relating to their jobs. Sort of like major league ballplayers being reminded not to gamble.

Ballplayers (except for Pete Rose) apparently get the message. Why don’t public officials? In Orange County, the district attorney’s office has one case from Huntington Beach under review and has been asked to look into another allegation involving a Seal Beach councilman.

Over the years, there have been plenty of others.

It’s enough to make you wonder if the warnings are clear enough. What’s needed is a multiple-choice test administered annually to every city council member in the county. It would work on the same principle as renewing a driver’s license: Flunk the test, lose your seat.

Sample questions:

A strip mall planned by your cousin is up for a vote. You should:

a) Vote yes without revealing your relationship;

b) Vote no without revealing your relationship;

c) Vote yes but only after your cousin repays you the $100 he owes you;

d) Publicly disown your cousin and then abstain.

You own stock in a company seeking a contract with the city. You should:

a) Make full disclosure and immediately divest yourself of your shares;

b) Say nothing and double your purchase order for new shares;

c) Transfer all your holdings to your spouse and vote on the matter;

d) Inform friends you will vote for the contract and encourage them to buy shares in company.

A developer wants to build a golf course next to your property. You should:

a) Vote no, but only if fairways are narrow;

b) Line up a permanent tee time in exchange for your vote;

c) Abstain and state for the record, “I’m a lousy golfer;”

d) Vote yes, but agree to sell your clubs.

A resort hotel owner wants to give you a free trip to Bermuda. You should:

a) Ask if the offer includes “walking-around money;”

b) Tell him you’re afraid of flying;

c) Ask if you can bring a friend;

d) Hold out for Tahiti.

The city wants to build a 3,000-square-foot shelter for crack addicts a block from your house. You should:

a) Move out of town;

b) Declare a conflict of interest because you are a crack addict;

c) Vote no “on architectural grounds;”

d) Calculate how much you could make selling crack on your block.

A restaurateur needs a building permit and asks for help. You should:

a) Mention you have teenagers and that college tuition is expensive;

b) Refer him to one of your council colleagues;

c) Tell him the city “has enough buildings already;”

d) Ask him if he can “keep a secret.”

Your ex and her/his new spouse need approval to add on to their home. You should:

a) Vote no;

b) Vote no;

c) Vote no;

d) Vote no.

Someone identifying himself as “Mr. Big” invites you to lunch. You should:

a) Make sure he agrees to pay;

b) Get there just before or after the noon rush;

c) Order the special;

d) Be suspicious when he asks if he should pay with a thousand-dollar bill.

A man with council business slips you a handful of $50s in the parking lot before the meeting. You should:

a) Count them carefully;

b) Feign outrage and throw the money in his face;

c) Feign outrage and keep the money “as evidence;”

d) Deposit the money over a period of several months.

The correct answers to our sample test are, in order: d, a, d, b, c, c, a, b and c.

If you got nine out of nine, consider yourself council material.

If you got three or fewer, you’re grand jury material.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.