He Has the Perfect Solution to the Season

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, writing before the Rams defeated the New York Giants, 15-14, on Sunday to remain the NFL’s only unbeaten team: “The St. Louis Rams will finish the season 16-0--not could or might but will--after which they’ll most likely maraud through the playoffs unscathed and equal the Dolphins’ 1972 Perfect Season ...

“St. Louis’ offense is on a different plane (a stealth bomber, actually), its defense is the most improved in the league, and its remaining schedule favorable. Questions?”

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Trivia time: Who holds the UCLA record for most touchdowns in a season?

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Mob rule: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “My ruling on ownership No. 73 Ball: Giants at fault, give Alex Popov his ball back. There’s traditional scrambling for balls, then there is mobbing.

“The Giants let the right-field pavilion area get way out of control during the final days. With fans sardined, and no clear walkway, it was claustrophobia city out there. They’re lucky no one was killed.”

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More Ostler: “U.S. soccer Coach Bruce Arena says, ‘To be honest, we haven’t developed a passion for the game yet in this country.’ The only quibble I have is with the ‘yet.’ ”

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Hang in there, Joe: Gene Frenette in the Florida Times-Union: “At 80, former University of Miami head coach Lou Saban is back on the sidelines as head coach at Division III Chowan College in North Carolina.

“He’s going to have to stick around awhile to beat Amos Alonzo Stagg, who coached at Pacific until he was 84--which may be Joe Paterno’s age when the Penn State legend finally surpasses the record of Paul “Bear” Bryant for Division I-A coaching victories.”

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Imitation Jordan: Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune, commenting on Michael Jordan’s performance in an exhibition game against Detroit last Thursday: “He was slower, but no less determined.

He’s still Michael Jordan, just not that Michael Jordan.”

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Left out: Tim Tucker in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Major league baseball teams that have not made the playoffs even one time since 1991, when the Braves began their streak of 10 consecutive postseasons--Montreal, Detroit, Kansas City, Anaheim, Milwaukee and Tampa Bay (which began play in 1998).”

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More Tucker: “The baseball postseason is a wasteland for the state of Texas.

Since 1996, the Astros and Rangers are an unfathomable 3-21 in playoff games.”

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The Ripper: Mike Bianchi in the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel: “In honor of Paterno, all Pennsylvania convenience stores are changing their names to O-Elevens. ... Speaking of name changes, say hello to the Houston Take-the-Gas-stros.”

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Trivia answer: Skip Hicks, 26 in 1997.

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And finally: With sales at his James Island, S.C., used car lot down 30% since Sept. 11, finance manager Hugh Williams needed an idea to lure customers.

So Williams will donate a junked car to the James Island High football team and let people take a whack at it, with proceeds going to the football program.

The event’s name? Bash bin Laden Day.