This Guy Is Looking a Lot More Like Custer

Thomas Boswell of the Washington Post, writing before the Redskins’ season-opening game against the San Diego Chargers, who were a woeful 1-15 last season:

” The Redskins are in the midst of complete cultural shock. The switch from seven seasons under Norv Turner to being coached by Marty Schottenheimer is the NFL equivalent of going from Alan Alda to George Patton.”

If so, then this Patton type has mellowed considerably, considering that the Chargers embarrassed the Redskins, 30-3.

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Trivia time: Who holds the Pacific 10 Conference record for the longest field goal?

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Future shock: Tim Cowlishaw in the Dallas Morning News: “Opinions on the fate of the 2001 Cowboys run the gamut from A to B. The pessimists among us suggest a dismal 3-13 conclusion.

“Others, brimming with the enthusiasm of a free-agent rookie, would tell us that if all things fall into place, a 4-12 record is within the team’s grasp.”

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Payback? Greg Cote in the Miami Herald on the University of Miami’s 61-0 rout of Rutgers: “The game was an insignificant speck of lint, lost between last week’s emotional opener at Penn State and next week’s visit by the team UM dearly wants to spank: tough Washington.”

The Huskies were the only team to beat the Hurricanes last year.

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So there! Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Marshall Faulk believes the ’69 moon walk was a fake, staged in a TV studio.

“That’s OK, Neil Armstrong doesn’t believe Faulk set foot in enemy end zones 26 times last season.”

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More Ostler: “Nice to hear Danny Almonte has enrolled in school. I’m told he’s attending Jack Benny Middle School.”

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Nowhere to go: Notice posted by the activities director of the state correctional institution at Pittsburgh: “NO POLE VAULTING, NO CROSS-COUNTRY RUNNING, AND NO AWAY-GAMES.”

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Bombs away: From comedy writer Earl Hochman:

“With this season’s rash of home runs, it may be asking a lot to believe manufacturers of major league baseballs haven’t made any changes--especially when .200 batters are hitting them out of the ballpark while playing pregame pepper.”

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Sink sentence: Who wins when the LPGA’S Juli Inkster plays against her husband, Brian, head pro at Los Altos Golf & Country Club?

“Let’s put it this way,” she told the Associated Press. “He does a lot of dishes.”

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Trivia answer: Jason Hanson of Washington State, 62 yards against Nevada Las Vegas in 1991.

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And finally: Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News, predicting what kind of NFL season to expect:

* “By midseason, Deion Sanders will sign with every team in the NFL and play each week for whoever thinks it can’t live without him [groveling must be completed by Tuesday].

* “The no-huddle offense will get a ticket for speeding.

* “Washington owner Daniel Snyder will permit the rest of the NFL to wash his feet, but only with official Redskins’ soap.”