Revealing Facts About Dodgers, Kournikova

When someone mentions Anna Kournikova’s name, of course, the first thing I think of is the Dodgers.

Take the other day, for example. Some of the guys in the office got really excited when they heard a radio report that Playboy has offered Kournikova $10 million to appear in the magazine wearing a skirt.

It occurred to me immediately that something was missing.

Reality, of course, because there is no way that’s going to happen.

But is that any bigger tease than the Dodgers running an advertisement in The Times Wednesday morning to announce: “Dodger Postseason Tickets on Sale Friday.”

OK, so maybe the Dodgers will sell the tickets, but I’d sure check the fine print for the team’s refund policy.

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NOW FRANKLY, I’ve never understood Kournikova’s allure. I called up almost 1,200 pictures of the young woman on the Internet Wednesday to see what the attraction is--and from what I could tell, she really doesn’t look any different than a lot of the other women I’ve studied extensively on the Internet.

And yet they tell me on most days there are more Internet hits on Kournikova’s site than any other--optimistic, I guess, they might see something.

In many respects that makes her Internet fans no different than the 38,411,545 paying customers who have checked into Dodger Stadium since the team’s last postseason win 13 years ago--hoping this will be the year they finally see the Dodgers in all their glory.

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AFTER REVIEWING the 66 Internet sites dedicated to Kournikova, I can tell you her favorite color is black, her favorite movie is “Austin Powers,” and her favorite number is whatever is being worn by the hockey player she’s dating at the time.

As for the Dodgers, I can tell you Chan Ho Park’s favorite manager is Scott Boras and Tom Goodwin’s favorite pitch to strike out on is whatever they throw him. I’d like to tell you who my favorite Dodger is, but I wouldn’t want to hurt the feelings of those I might not mention--you know, like Kevin Brown and Chad Kreuter.

Now you put the Dodgers’ $110-million payroll on the field in full uniform and Kournikova on the tennis court, and there’s no question they look great. They just don’t win when it counts.

And so it’s come to this--an indication of just how far the Dodgers have slipped: Does Kournikova win a tennis tournament before the Dodgers win another playoff game?

Should it come down to waiting until next year to find out, I recommend the “2002 Anna in Acapulco” calendar, available now for $12.99.

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TOM LASORDA introduced me to Tom Hanks the other night in his Dodger Stadium box, and when I asked Hanks if he knew Salma Hayek, he went to the telephone and began dialing. I got out my notebook before I realized he was just kidding.

I’ll tell you, the guy’s a pretty good actor.

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DODGER BROADCASTER Ross Porter, recovering nicely from a pair of brain surgeries to repair a hole in his head--and it’s not every day I pass on a set-up line like that--has been overwhelmed by the get-well-quick responses he’s received in more than 1,300 e-mails to date.

“I can’t tell you how great people have been, and I’ve sat here and read every one of [the e-mails],” he said.

I can tell you the drive home after Dodger games has become a chore with Porter not there to conduct Dodger Talk.

Porter, told by doctors he will be 100% ready to do anything he wants as of Nov. 1, is already preparing to play golf a week later.

The doctors, however, say there is little hope for his golf game.

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DODGER MANAGER Jim Tracy reported late to the field for his regularly scheduled meeting with the media, and behind home plate there was no sign of Boras, who ordinarily comes to the games early to watch his clients work out.

I would imagine they were going over game strategy in the clubhouse.

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BEFORE WEDNESDAY night’s game, the Dodgers presented retiring Tony Gwynn with a pair of seats from Dodger Stadium--Loge Level-like orange seats.

They must be saving the blue Dugout Club seats for paying customers.

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I HAVE a question: If it’s well-known throughout baseball that Phil Hiatt can’t hit a curveball--which is why he was sent to the minors where he hit 44 fastballs for home runs--why do the Dodgers have him taking batting practice with someone tossing him nothing but fat fastballs?

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ERIC KARROS beat out a ground ball for an infield single.

That really does make Zippy Chippy the slowest critter anywhere.

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ONE IDEA being proposed to allow for more NFL playoff games has New Orleans playing host to the AFC and NFC title games, and the Super Bowl being moved to Hawaii.

I believe this idea has been proposed by a sports writer.

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IN THE spirit of national unity, agent Tom Condon said, the NFL referees have agreed to take a 50% pay raise this year.

You want national unity--I say replace them with workers laid off in the airline industry.

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WITH 16 games to play, all the Angels have to do to claim a wild-card berth is go 16-0--so long as Oakland does no better than 0-16.

Earlier this week Angel Manager Mike Scioscia made it clear, “We haven’t taken the eye off that prize.”

Local Optimist Clubs will now be lining up to hire Scioscia as a guest speaker. He’ll be available soon.

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THE INTERNATIONAL Olympic Committee has approved women’s wrestling as an official event for the 2004 Games in Athens. I like our chances of winning a Gold Medal if Vince McMahon is coaching our women.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Wayne:

“When are you going to have Anna Kournikova on your TV show? I want to know where to camp out at the studio.”

I’d say about the same time we have Kevin Malone on.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com