No Longer Lean, Mean Fighting Machine

Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News observed that nobody in sports retires anymore, they just recess:

“The standard for these things is George Foreman, of course, who became heavyweight champ again after staying away, getting old, getting fat and getting happy.... I blame Foreman for this whole comeback commotion because he made it look not only easy, but fun.

“Foreman spawned an entire industry of fistic antiques, from Larry Holmes to Thomas Hearns. Blessed be the perpetual Roberto Duran, who lied when he said ‘No Mas’....

“Sugar Ray Leonard had two tuxedos, one for his testimonials and one for his revivals. Leonard came back more times than bad oysters.”

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Trivia time: Who was the first golfer presented a green jacket for winning the Masters?

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Left-hand turns: Michael Ventre offers his Notes from the Field on MSNBC.com:

* “In an interview that appeared on the Web site of London’s Financial Times, General Abdul Mateen Hassankheil, an Afghani warlord, said he loves to watch NASCAR races. I guess he must be from southern Afghanistan.

“It would be nice if the NCAA did something to help the Downtown Athletic Club out of its current financial quagmire, considering all the publicity the Heisman Trophy race adds to college football.”

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Shut up! Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” offered this take on the Iditarod: “Martin Buser pulled into Nome on Tuesday, March 12, after eight days 22 hours and 46 minutes across the Alaska tundra to win the 2002 Iditarod dogsled race.

“Buser became the third musher ever to win four Iditarods, which doesn’t change the fact that it’s really annoying being parked next to him at a drive-in movie. You know, with all the dogs and everything.”

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Tiger’s trail now: Rudy Martzke in USA Today: “NBC golf announcers Johnny Miller and Mark Rolfing, at the PGA Tour’s BellSouth Classic, scoff at the contention that Augusta National’s increased length meant Tiger-proofing the Masters against Tiger Woods.

“‘Charles Barkley and others who say that don’t know anything about golf,’ Miller says. ‘There were about 12 who could win the Masters. Now there are about six.’

“Says Rolfing: ‘Tiger’s the favorite. Adding a couple of hundred more yards only takes more guys out of contention.’”

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Zzzzz: Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel: “Great news, puck lovers. ABC’s five NHL games averaged a 1.4 rating, way more than last year’s 1.1. This means that after you passed out, not only did your cat step on the remote, your dog did, too.”

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Trivia answer: Sam Snead in 1949.

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And finally: Reuters reports that neighborhood residents across from Chicago’s Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs, cried foul when they found their rooftop view of the game partially obscured by new “security” screens.

The team had created resentment by erecting semi-transparent black screens along the fencing at the top of the bleacher seats.

The club said the screens were a security measure since the Sept. 11 attacks on the United States.

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Mal Florence