Those Eyewitness Accounts Often Just Aren’t What They’re Quacked Up to Be

Talk about a case of mistaken identity! The Laguna News-Post reported that “a resident called to say that a mother dog and her pups were wandering out of a building and into traffic. Animal control was sent to the location, and the dogs turned out to be ducks.”

What’s that old saying: If it jaywalks like a duck and talks like a duck....

Quack alert: And, no, I’m not sure if this was the same reckless quacker who held up traffic in West L.A. Monday morning, while a California Highway Patrol officer and a tow-truck driver ushered her family across several lanes of the San Diego Freeway.

Sci-fi material: On a hiking trail in Pacific Palisades, Joe Garrett spotted a scary “actual size” warning (see photo). “A couple of times hikers have asked me if the ticks are really that big there,” he said.

Quake displacement? On a trip overseas, Bonnie Chapman of Santa Barbara picked up a travel brochure and discovered that her neighbor to the south was now her distant neighbor to the north (see accompanying).

And I’ll bet L.A. City Hall didn’t notify anyone in the San Fernando Valley, either.

History on trial: Paige Gold was waiting in probate court when she heard a young L.A. County deputy sheriff, seated behind the counter, ask a young lawyer: “Who was president after Eisenhower?” The lawyer said, “Carter.”

The deputy responded: “I don’t think so. Eisenhower was much earlier than that.”

Another lawyer, passing by, overheard the conversation and said, “Kennedy.”

The deputy looked down at his crossword puzzle and said, “Nope, that has too many letters.”

Before I hear from those of you who know the tricky ways of such puzzles, I’ll point out that both Carter and Kennedy were possible answers, since the question didn’t ask who was the NEXT president after Ike.

Long night: Elaine Ziskind of Tarzana came upon a restaurant sign that was put up by someone who sleeps in really late (see photo).

Sour note: Ross Amspoker of Palmdale said the minutes of a concert organization in Antelope Valley reported that a soprano who was to appear in Lancaster had previously sung at “Carnage” Hall in New York.

Marquee madness (cont.): I didn’t win the Pulitzer this year because my submission of quirky movie combos was small. With more titles coming in now, I’m darn confident about my chances next year.

For instance, Ann Doskow of Claremont wrote that the most gruesome twosome she ever saw advertised was in the early 1960s: JACK THE RIPPER ALL IN A NIGHT’S WORK.

Plus this added attraction: Richard Bauman recalled a 1970s marquee on a La Mirada theater: BLAZING SADDLES WHERE DOES IT HURT?

miscelLAny: Today’s “Duh!” award winner was submitted by Steve Katz of Rancho Palos Verdes, who noticed that the package containing his Jack in the Box antenna ball warned: “Not for use with retractable antenna.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.