Only the Best of an Unusually Fruitful Year

You’ve logged on to Windows 2002, a review of the offbeat from the past year:

Did they lose their tempuras? Two people reported to be snorting cocaine in a car in Seal Beach were actually eating Japanese food with chopsticks.

Messy wallet woes: A suspected car thief, stopped by an L.A. County sheriff’s deputy, handed over his driver’s license, which had something stuck to the back of it -- a small baggie of cocaine (not Japanese food).

Strangest aerial bombing: The windshield of a driver in Los Alamitos was cracked when a crow dropped a steak bone it had plucked from a restaurant trash can.

Unreal estate: The year’s unique properties (see accompanying) included some with:

* A promise of suffering (the first mortgage bill?).

* A promise of sex.

* A lack of homey qualities.

* A room apparently designed for teenagers.

Most aptly named street: John Dowsing looked up to find it in Torrance (see photo).

Dumbest choice for a robbery: Brandishing a crowbar, a man in a ski mask strode into a Norwalk home-improvement store and announced: “Cash, I want all your cash.” One of the would-be victims shouted, “Let’s get this guy!” The next thing the intruder knew, a hammer and a ladder were flying his way as he slalomed out of there on the double.

A hole in this theory: Spotting a hose sticking out of the exhaust pipe of an idling car, neighbors in San Juan Capistrano were worried the 70ish owner might be committing suicide. The hose led into the backyard, where the owner explained he was trying to gas a gopher.

Navel battle: Residents of Orange selected “A Slice of Old Towne Charm” for the city’s slogan, rejecting such suggestions as “Nicer Than Stanton” and “Our Navel Is Better Than Christina Aguilera’s.”

New type of phone solicitation: KNX radio anchor Dick Helton was waiting in his Jeep at a stoplight on Sunset Boulevard when a homeless type came up to his window and asked, “Could you spare some cell minutes?”

Another Hollywood mess: Journalist Henk Friezer came upon a usually neat encampment of the homeless on Beverly Boulevard and asked the two occupants why trash was strewn everywhere. They explained that a movie company, filming a scene about homeless people, wanted to create a more “realistic camp.” They had the real occupants move so that catered rubble could be brought in.

Unmanned Flying Objects Dept.: A Norwalk resident reported a plane crashing to Earth. It turned out to be a kite.

No jury of PC users would convict him: A man heard screaming, “I am going to kill you!” was actually addressing his computer.

So that’s why they don’t moo much: A resident called the city of Paramount to warn that a fence should be mended “before the cows get away.” He evidently didn’t notice that the cows were metal cutouts.

Putting a new face on things: R&R; Studios in West L.A. sent out invites to a “Halloween Botox Party,” at which attendees could choose among drinks and hors d’oeuvres (both free) and cosmetic surgery (not free).

Worst case of mistaken identity: A young man with a shaved head, reported standing in a resident’s sideyard for 10 minutes in the Los Alamitos area, was a dummy. A nonhuman one.

Ending on a happy note ... : A Rancho Santa Margarita man phoned authorities to ask if his car had been repossessed and “was ecstatic to hear it may have been stolen.”