Bulls’ Trade Ensures Reign of Terrible

This week’s seven-player trade between the Indiana Pacers and the Chicago Bulls has not gone down well in all quarters.

“In order to make sure the Bulls would retain their hard-earned status as the worst team in the NBA this season, Jerry Krause traded away their best player, Elton Brand,” wrote Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times.

“To ensure they will carry that position over into next season, he now has traded their top three scorers: Ron Mercer, Ron Artest and Brad Miller.

“About this time next season--can anyone doubt it?--Krause will see what he can get for Jalen Rose.... The question is, how does Jerry Krause keep his job? The answer is, I have no idea.”

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Trivia time: Who coached the England soccer team that was upset by the United States in the 1950 World Cup?

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The spokesman: Reporters covering the San Diego Padres miss retired Tony Gwynn even more than the team will miss his bat.

“Gwynn always had something to say, always, even when he didn’t want to, and it almost always was something good,” wrote the San Diego Union-Tribune’s Nick Canepa.

“Tony Gwynn was the greatest batsman of his generation, but as a conversationalist, he hit 1.000. He never popped it up.”

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See no evil: Driver Johnny Benson had a quick answer when asked what he saw of an 18-car pileup during Sunday’s Daytona 500.

“Aw, we have our eyes closed during that stuff,” he said.

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The answer man: The departure of Jon Gruden for Tampa Bay has left Raider owner Al Davis with four draft picks and $8 million but no coach. Skip Bayless of the San Jose Mercury News suggests a solution.

“There are two moves Davis can make to quickly make his fans and players forget about Gruden. He can trade some of his vault of picks for an established star, and he can use the $8 million to hire [Bill] Parcells.”

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Through the glass darkly: The San Francisco Chronicle’s Scott Ostler points out a little-known aspect of the increased security at major league baseball stadiums this season.

“The ballparks,” he said, “will have plexiglass barriers to protect fans from John Rocker.”

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The unwelcome mat: Former Laker Nick Van Exel wants out of Denver, but he had better hope the Nuggets don’t trade him to the New York Knicks.

According to Newsday’s Barbara Barker, Van Exel “is everything the Knicks don’t need. He’s a shoot-first point guard who has a way of alienating his teammates, his coaches and his team’s fans.

“What Van Exel has done in his nine years is show that he can’t play with good players and can’t play with bad ones. The Knicks have a lot of talent that falls somewhere in the middle, but the bet here is that Van Exel would struggle in that situation too.”

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Trivia answer: Sir Walter Winterbottom, who died Saturday at age 89.

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And finally: The Miami Herald’s Dan Le Batard sees a redeeming aspect to sliding down a hill at 70 mph on a shovel.

“If you crash in shovel racing,” he said, “it’s helpful that funeral workers can also use your ride to dig your grave.”