Bonds Drive Himself? That’s a Stretch

When Barry Bonds reported to camp in a chauffeured stretch limo, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle was suitably impressed, noting that the car “stretches more than Barry does.”

Ostler continued: “But it’s good to see him putting his new money to use. With the energy Bonds saves by not driving himself to work, the man might hit 83 homers.

“Barry also brought his doggie to camp, a Yorkshire terrier named Clyde. It’s a cute pooch, but not the kind of pet you’d expect to see with a fearsome slugger. Clyde looks more like a figure skater’s dog.

“But don’t be fooled, the rumor is that Clyde is trained to snarl at reporters, which will further ease Barry’s workload.”

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Another dog tale: There are those who will recall why former Virginia basketball coach Terry Holland named his dog Dean.

For those who don’t, Holland said he named the mutt after former North Carolina coach Dean Smith because “it whines so much.”

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Trivia time: Where does David Duval keep the silver claret jug he received last year for winning the British Open at Royal Lytham & St. Annes?

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A bad bounce: Michael McCrary’s unfortunate encounter with bouncers in a nightclub earlier this month left the Baltimore Sun’s Mike Preston siding with the Raven player.

“I know the bouncer types, big stiffs who couldn’t play high school sports,” Preston wrote. “Then one day they discover weights, then steroids and creatine. They wear their little brothers’ T-shirts to make themselves look bigger. To build self-esteem, they beat up little guys.”

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Is it real or is it ... ? When a jersey Pele supposedly had worn while winning the 1970 World Cup came up for auction in England recently, soccer reporters in Brazil questioned whether it was the real thing.

English reporters might ask the same question now that an exhibition of what might be called Pele-iana has opened at Sao Paulo’s Museum of Art.

The displays include what are said to be the shoeshine box Pele worked at as a kid more than half a century ago and his first soccer ball--a stocking filled with newspaper.

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A losing proposition: The fact that the American racehorse Zippy Chippy recently lost his 92nd consecutive race was noted with some alarm in England.

Why? Because the hapless thoroughbred is rapidly closing in on Quixall Crossett, an English horse with a 103-race streak of futility.

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A fighting chance: Honest, there really is such a thing as the National Women’s Football League, and now one of its teams has an owner whose name will ring a bell: world light heavyweight champion Roy Jones Jr.

Jones opened his wallet and bought his hometown NWFL team, the Pensacola Power, when financial woes had the Florida outfit on the ropes.

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Trivia answer: On the counter in the golf shop at Pablo Creek, his home course in Jacksonville, Fla.

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And finally: From Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “Instead of expanding to 40 teams, the National Invitation Tournament should be looking to reduce the field to, like, zero.”