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He Needs to Get in Touch With Reality

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Bob Sansevere of the St. Paul Pioneer-Press writes that new Viking Coach Mike Tice has big plans for moody receiver Randy Moss.

“I want him to shatter everything,” Tice said, alluding to the NFL record book. “We have to increase the ratio of touches for [him].

“The ratio has to improve. It’s not good enough.”

When asked if Moss can catch 150 passes in 2002, gain 2,000 yards and score 25 touchdowns, which would be records, Tice had a one-word answer:

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“Possible.”

Sansevere: “There wasn’t even the hint of alcohol on his breath when he said it. He was sober and dead serious.”

Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for interceptions in a playoff game?

Whoopee, he’s gone! Brian Schmitz in the Orlando Sentinel on Ron Zook replacing legendary Florida Coach Steve Spurrier: “Zook is seemingly an unpopular choice with [Florida] fans who were teased by the wooing of Bobby Stoops of Oklahoma and Mike Shanahan of the Denver Broncos.

“Legions of Gator haters quickly reveled in Gatordom’s grief, clearly hoping that the swaggering powerhouse that Spurrier built is staggering and at last vulnerable.”

Wishful thinking: Nick Canepa in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “If the Chargers want to make a splash with their next coaching hire, then Spurrier would be more than a ripple.

“It would be more like Shaquille O’Neal doing a cannonball into a wading pool.”

Still more Spurrier: Michael Ventre on MSNBC.com: “It doesn’t matter where [he] winds up coaching in the NFL. The only place he’ll ever be happy is on Mount Rushmore.”

Ugh! When an ankle injury sidelined Sacramento King forward Chris Webber for 23 games at the start of the season, his aunt in Michigan sent him her cure-all--a sack full of manure mixed with ammonia--and told him to put the bag on his ankle.

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Said Jim Van Vleit of the Sacramento Bee, “She swore it worked on colds and would have the all-star forward back on his feet in no time.”

Right, as long as he didn’t breathe.

Really? San Francisco Chronicle reader Ray Darbyhshire says Fox NFL analyst John Madden was guilty of a “mexed mitaphor” in describing the sagging Saints: “The snowball’s running downhill and it’s gathering moss.”

Looking back: On this day in 1974, the Miami Dolphins beat the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl VIII at Rice Stadium in Houston, 24-7.

Trivia answer: Vernon Perry of Houston, four, against, San Diego in 1979.

And finally: Craig Dolch of the Palm Beach Post on Baltimore Raven Coach Brian Billick:

“You can call [him] egotistical, arrogant, self-centered and imperious. That alone does not set him apart from every other NFL coach. What makes him different is that he doesn’t mind these adjectives. In fact, he agrees with and welcomes most of them.

“‘I’m always arrogant,’ he says. ‘But you have to believe you can make a difference. That’s what coaching is all about.’”

Mal Florence

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