He’s Come to Bury White Sox and Cubs

Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Tribune, commenting ruefully on the struggling Chicago major league teams, the Cubs and White Sox:

“Both teams appear to be going down together, as is usually the case during a Chicago baseball season. It’s what’s called shared experience. Of course, death in the family is a shared experience too....

“To say that both teams have come up short of expectations is like saying Mike Tyson has come up short of sainthood.... Which team is the bigger disappointment? Which member of the Capone gang had the nicest personality?”

Trivia time: What do Ray Felix, Tom Hawkins, Howard Jolliff, Frank Selvy and Rudy LaRusso have in common?

Whoopee! Richie Whitt of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “Like him or not, analyst Charles Barkley helped breathe life into TNT’s coverage of the otherwise unwatchable NBA draft.

“When cameras showed a collage of mothers crying backstage, anchorman Ernie Johnson melodramatically said, ‘Ah, the tears of joy.’

“Barkley quickly interjected, ‘Yeah tears of joy because they’re thinking, Damn I ain’t poor no more.’ ”

Chicken controversy: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is leaning on Barry Bonds to give up his gig as a pitchman for KFC Popcorn Chicken.

“PETA says those chickens are pumped up on harmful steroids. The chickens indignantly denied using ‘roids. They insist their unusual size is a product of hard work in the weight room.”

Hard to figure: Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“The only three things on earth more confusing than the BCS [bowl championship series] are the NFL formula for rating quarterbacks, the directions for assembling a gas grill and the continuing gainful employment of television’s Tom Arnold.”

Makes sense: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News:

“All those batters who squawk loudly over called third strikes might heed the old baseball axiom remembered by Bobby Bragan: ‘If it’s close enough to call, it’s close enough to hit.’ ”

Nowheresville: Kansas City first baseman Mike Sweeney on being ignored in All-Star voting despite leading the American League with a .365 average:

“That’s what you get for playing in Kansas City.”

Looking back: On this day in 1910, Chicago unveiled White Sox Park (Comiskey Park), but the last-place St. Louis Browns spoiled the occasion with a 2-0 victory.

Trivia answer: They were among the original L.A. Lakers in the 1960-61 season.

And finally: Phil Mushnick in the New York Post:

“Because self-promotion has always been one of Chris Berman’s strong points, SportsCenter’s ‘Plays of the Week,’ last Sunday [June 23], anchored by Berman, include three clips of Berman hitting practice golf shots at the Greater Hartford Open.

“In other words, three athletes who did something noteworthy were eliminated from ESPN’s ‘Plays of the Week’ in order to indulge Berman.”