Oil Change Scheduled After Every 3,000 Holes

While Tiger Woods tees off on the links at the British Open, golfers in the Middle East are playing a desert version of the sport notable for triple-digit temperatures, roaming animals and pungent sand-and-oil courses.

“No greens here,” Laxman Singade, the longtime “brownskeeper” at the Dubai Country Club, told the Bloomberg News Service.

This version of the sport, created shortly before World War II by British Oil executives in Iran, is the only officially sanctioned game played amid wild dogs and lizards chasing golf balls across a gooey mix of sand and 13,000 gallons of crude oil.

“The perfect brown is built from sand and lightweight crude generously watered with used engine oil,” Singade said. “Some courses in Saudi Arabia also oil the fairways, but that gets messy.”

Trivia time: Who was the last winner of the British Open to lead from start to finish?

Come fly: Air Force Coach Fisher DeBerry, to reporters after Falcon kickers missed five field-goal attempts in the spring football game: “Can any of you guys out there kick field goals? ... We’ll give you a free education, we’ll give you an F-16 or even an F-22.”

His lot in life: Andre Agassi made his only appearance of the season with the Sacramento Capitals of World TeamTennis on Thursday night, playing in the parking lot of a suburban mall during a match against the Springfield Lasers.

“This is what it’s about for me,” Agassi said. “It’s bringing tennis straight to the parking lot. I’ve never played in a parking lot before--at least not tennis.”

Coaching material: From Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “After watching video of Allen Iverson’s mom dressing down a pushy reporter, don’t you wonder why she never got into coaching? I mean, wouldn’t she spur the [Golden State] Warriors to get the lead out?”

Blame game: After a portion of Wrigley Field’s famed ivy was destroyed this week, the Chicago Tribune conducted a poll asking fans who they felt was the most likely culprit. Among those on the ballot was Bud Selig, with the notation: “Isn’t everything his fault?”

Rumor mill: Frank Robinson, denying a report that he had quit as manager of the Montreal Expos and had to be persuaded to return by General Manager Omar Minaya: “Rumors--I’m not going to sit here and answer rumors. Where did it come from? Newark Star-Ledger? Do they have my office wired?”

Looking back: On this day in 1976, Hank Aaron hit his 755th and final home run to lead the Milwaukee Brewers to a 6-2 victory over the Angels.

Also on this day, in 1970, Bill Singer of the Dodgers pitched a no-hitter in a 5-0 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies at Dodger Stadium.

Trivia answer: Tom Weiskopf, in 1973.

And finally: Last year, Oregon boosters spent $250,000 to put the image of quarterback Joey Harrington on a building in New York’s Times Square.

Washington State has poked fun at that publicity stunt by putting an image of its quarterback, Jason Gesser, on the side of a grain elevator in the middle of the state’s farm region. The 25-by-15-foot vinyl banner cost the school about $2,500.