The Bean Counters Miss a Good Matchup

John McGrath in the Tacoma News Tribune: “Best Reason To Be Thankful That Bob Gibson and Nolan Ryan No Longer Are Pitching: Giants outfielder Tsuyoshi Shinjo, a Japanese import who wears a bright red glove and adorns both arms with orange wristbands, would have been a beanball target by the feisty old-schoolers.

“They were known to dust batters who approached the plate with their jerseys improperly tucked inside their pants.”

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Trivia time: Which are the two teams with 13 or more losses to advance to the men’s Final Four?

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Stick to jeans: New Astro Manager Jimy Williams upstaged General Manager Gerry Hunsicker by wearing a tuxedo to the Houston baseball writers dinner, which is not a black-tie affair.

Said Hunsicker: “I wasn’t that upset because the tux looked like Jimy had slept in it.”

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Ugh! From Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News: “Another scantily clad, voluptuous body adorns the cover of Sports Illustrated this week, except this time it’s Charles Barkley.”

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Unusual punishment: Billy Donovan’s Florida team, once ranked No. 2 in the nation, did not finish well. The Gators were eliminated early from the Southeastern Conference tournament. But rather than quickly heading home, the Gators had to stick around for another day to watch fast-finishing Mississippi State play.

“I want them to realize,” Donovan said, “that if they play next week [in the NCAA tournament] like they did [Friday] night, this is what they’ll be doing--sitting in the stands and watching.”

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He won’t change: Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News wrote this verse on the Minnesota Vikings’ new coach: “So Mike Tice issues a promise/Randy Moss, no more dogtrots/Perhaps new coach should research/A leopard and its spots.”

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Get it? Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “Hershey [Pa.] kisses to the 40th anniversary [March 2] of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game. To commemorate, all home teams were instructed to let the first 20,000 women in free.”

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Atta boy, Del: Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post said that during a recent Maverick-Nugget game, Dallas owner Mark Cuban was screaming at Don Nelson’s assistant, Del Harris.

“Del! Del!” yelled Cuban. “Tell them to foul Donnell [Harvey]!”

Replied Harris: “Go out there and foul him yourself.”

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More Armstrong: “So Giant second baseman Jeff Kent sustained a broken wrist while washing his truck. At least he wasn’t doing something really dangerous like, say, brushing his teeth.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1964, UCLA defeated Seattle, 95-90, in a first-round NCAA West Regional game in Corvallis, Ore.

The Bruins went on to win their first NCAA championship by defeating Duke, 98-83, in Kansas City, Mo.

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Trivia answer: North Carolina and Wisconsin had 22-13 records at the start of the 2000 Final Four.

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And finally: The “system” that Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News uses to predict the NCAA Final Four eliminates “teams with names you would not give your son [such as] Winthrop, Creighton, Hampton, Stanford, Charlotte.”