Don’t Buy Into CAFE When There’s Starbucks

Re “SUVs Should Be Driven Into a Truck Lane,” Commentary, March 17: Didn’t John Balzar consult the SUV handbook? It states that SUV drivers must:

1. Start the day by driving to any Starbucks--taking two parking spaces, please.

2. Order the tank-sized coffee with a few shots of “expresso” (even though there is no “x” in the word).

3. When properly “caffed up,” jump back into vehicle, gun engine and back up as quickly as possible without checking for pedestrians or traffic.

4. Exit parking lot as if it were Daytona (at least).

5. Pick up cell phone and commence conversation (with hand gestures, if possible).

6. On freeways and surface streets, bear down on and tailgate everything smaller.

7. Turn all corners using one hand--or none.

8. At supermarket or mall, park as close as possible to driver’s door of other vehicles to prevent others from gaining access to their vehicles.

9. Suspend all those rules of the road that were learned in driver’s ed.

10. Switch lanes as often as possible, never using your directional signals.

Congratulations on using plenty of gas--if you try, you can get 11 miles to the gallon!

Irene DeBlasio

Studio City

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In “Stars, Stripes & Gas Guzzlers” (editorial March 18), The Times opines that senators should have compelled behavior by consumers by mandating fuel savings through CAFE standards. Maybe you should instead berate your readers for buying behemoths when they have the option any day of the week of buying more fuel-efficient vehicles. It may be more fun to blame Detroit and Washington, but it ain’t honest. This is America. We have choices. Let us exercise those choices without nannying us to death.

Daniel Kish

Washington