What Has Eight Legs and Flies in Detroit?

Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News, on the Detroit Red Wing fans’ tradition of throwing octopuses onto the ice: “Here is the story. It seems that when it all started in the 1950s, eight [playoff] victories were needed to win a Stanley Cup. And an octopus has eight legs ...

“I suppose the spider was not chosen because, like the hockey puck, it is hard to see and the point, such as it is, would not be as easily made. You can never be too obvious in Detroit.

“This is a bag-of-bolts kind of town, and subtlety is about as welcome as a Toyota.”

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Trivia time: What is the Laker record for points scored in a playoff game?

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What’s next? Mike Tyson was on the cover of last week’s Sports Illustrated, and Jay Leno says, “He’s been arrested. He’s been in prison. Don King allegedly took all of his money. Now he’s going through a divorce.

“I’m afraid to see what happens when the Sports Illustrated cover jinx sets in.”

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Poor taste: Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel: “Maybe you heard that PETA is pressuring the NCAA to stop using leather basketballs in its tournaments because ‘it’s hard to put a price on a cow’s life.’

“Remember that while sitting in a fast-food drive-through. But we’ll let Charles Barkley field this one: ‘Animals are only good to be eaten and tested to cure people.’ Thanks, Chuck.”

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Satisfied: Retiring NFL receiver Cris Carter on critics who suggest his career was incomplete because he and the Minnesota Vikings never won a Super Bowl:

“I don’t feel like because I didn’t win a championship that I was not successful.

“Look at Andre Rison who won a championship with Green Bay. Are you saying his career is more successful than mine?

“Look at Alvin Harper, who won a couple of Super Bowls with the Dallas Cowboys. Are you saying his career is as successful as mine? I wouldn’t say that.”

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It’s already over: In a column for America Online, Norman Chad says the East will be outclassed by the West in the NBA Finals:

“It will be as anticlimactic as the second day of a Madonna marriage.”

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No way, Jose: Randy Hill of Foxsports.com, on Jose Canseco’s claim of rampant steroid use in baseball:

“Eighty-five percent just seems cuckoo.

“According to the literature, steroid use eventually shuts down natural production of testosterone. And, if baseball players cheat on their wives as often as Jose’s book may claim, where is this sex drive coming from?

“I’m not exactly thrilled about this book’s potential. What I’d like to see is Canseco vs. [Albert] Belle on Celebrity Boxing.”

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Trivia answer: The Lakers scored 153 in defeating Denver in 1985. The NBA record is 157 by Boston against New York in 1990.

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And finally: A golf ball thief had a six-month jail sentence overturned Monday in London when a judge ruled the punishment was disproportionate to the crime.

John Collinson was jailed last month after he and a helper were caught with 1,158 balls dredged from the bottom of a lake on the Whetstone Golf Club.