Aluminum Foils the Beauty of Baseball

Mark Bradley in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “College baseball is a sport ruined by an implement. The aluminum bat skews it beyond recognition. The aluminum bat renders baseball, a game preciously balanced between offense and defense, into Arena football.

“The aluminum bat turns every ninth-place hitter into Mark McGwire, every pitcher into a batting tee, every ballpark into Coors Field.... Aluminum destroys the contours of baseball in a way that basketball would be distorted if, all of a sudden, the rims were made twice as wide.”

More on a bat idea: “Imagine the Splendid Splinter [Ted Williams] with a metal wand. Could he have hit .506, .606, .706? Would he ever have made an out?”

Trivia time: Who holds the Laker record for rebounds in a playoff game?

Lofty ambition: Chicago Cub slugger Sammy Sosa has apparently run out of interesting people to meet. So he told the New York Post that one name left on his “to meet” list is God.

“I can meet any person and talk to any person in the whole wide world because I’m a baseball player,” Sosa said. “I’d like to meet God. I feel like I already know him a little, but I’d like to meet him and talk to him.”

Does God have time to talk to Cub players?

Confident: Sacramento guard Mike Bibby said the Kings had a world of confidence before Tuesday’s playoff game with the Lakers. “We’ve got the little swagger and feel like nobody can [mess] with us. And I don’t think anybody can.”

Since the Kings won Game 5 of the Western Conference finals and are on the verge of eliminating the Lakers, it’s difficult to argue with him.

He’d fit in: Ron Rapoport of the Chicago Sun-Times has an update on the World Cup: “The New York Times says Osama bin Laden is a huge soccer fan. Just what we need to hear. Attention, all immigration officials. Keep an eye open for a tall guy inconspicuously disguised as a British hooligan.”

Wishful thinking: Pat Tillman, who was making about $1 million a year playing safety for the Arizona Cardinals, left the NFL behind last week to join the Army and become a member of the elite Rangers.

Says David Whitley of the Orlando Sentinel: “Oh, for Osama bin Laden to run a crossing pattern in front of Pvt. Tillman.”

Lucky lottery: From the Caught on the Fly column in the Sporting News: “Think Houston will want to start a Ming dynasty? Of course; this isn’t Rocket science. It’s a no-brainer, which is exactly the problem with Houston’s starting center, Kelvin Cato.”

Looking back: On this day in 1927, Chicago Cub shortstop Jimmy Cooney pulled off an unassisted triple play. Remarkably, Detroit first baseman Johnny Neun duplicated the feat the next day.

Trivia answer: Wilt Chamberlain, 33, against Chicago on April 4, 1971.

And finally: The Detroit Tigers staged an octopus-throwing contest and the winner was rushed off to a Red Wing playoff game.

“If that doesn’t underscore baseball’s problems, I don’t know what does,” says Keith Olbermann of ABC radio. “First prize in a contest at a baseball game is--you get to leave the baseball game?”