They also serve who only sit

In the final minutes of the game, when your team is down to its last ounce of strength, with no remaining timeouts and nothing left but hope, who can you count on? The armchair quarterback, that’s who. In the height of football season, that overstuffed recliner is hallowed ground. Pets, kids and spouses make way, it’s time to get serious about being a fan again.

Take it from Tom Arnold, the voice of the fan on Fox Sports Net’s “Best Damned Sports Show Period.” A dedicated armchair QB, he’s turned the pastime into a profession, faithfully watching games surrounded by a huge collection of sports memorabilia, which includes hundreds of baseball caps with logos of pro teams, a football autographed by the 1939 Heisman Trophy winner, Iowa halfback Nile Kinnick, and the cap the New York Yankees’ David Wells wore in the ’98 World Series.

And you better believe he concentrates on the game. When we interviewed him on the phone Saturday, he did not take his eyes off the game, although he did look up and express his gratitude when the wife brought in food. He then talked about his approach to armchair quarterbacking. He said it’s better than being a real QB because you’ll never be sidelined by age or injury. “Athletes can only play for so long, but a fan can be a fan forever.”

What is the sacred duty of the armchair quarterback?

You have to be there for your team. So, if you happen to be standing up and the team’s doing well, you have to remain standing for the rest of the game. Once the Lakers were losing to Sacramento. I went outside to smoke a cigar and they started coming back -- so I had to stay outside for the rest of the game. You don’t want to be the one who jinxed your team.

Tell us about your throne.

It’s a designer chair I picked up at Sharper Image. It’s black leather and my wife hates it because it doesn’t “go” with anything. It’s a massage chair and a recliner. You’re getting your butt worked on and you’re watching the team. You’ve got a remote for the chair and a remote for the TV. It’s the best of all worlds.

Where do you watch the game?

In my office upstairs. It’s the only place in the house that I’m allowed to smoke cigars. When I’m watching the game, life beyond this office does not exist.

Who do you root for?

The Hawkeyes. That’s my team because I grew up in Iowa. The New York Giants is another.

And obviously the Lakers -- I have to, I live in Beverly Hills and Shaq is my next-door neighbor.

What’s your favorite armchair chow?

Sometimes I will have the giant Fritos with bean dip. And I like meat. I have mini cheeseburgers; that way you can eat 12 or 14 and not feel so bad.

Do you worry about spills?

The problem is I don’t. I’m not allowed to watch sports in bed anymore because I got ketchup and jelly on the silk sheets. That’s really hard to blame on the dogs.

What’s the difference between an armchair QB and a regular fan?

You have more responsibility. You feel that you can do something spiritually -- through prayer or whatever -- that can get your team over the hump.

Any words of armchair wisdom?

Don’t let people put you down. We have an important role and if other people can’t appreciate it, feel sorry for them. You can’t tell me that the Angels would have won without the fans. The rally monkey is one thing, but it was really all those armchair QBs, pounding thunder sticks.

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The chairs

Harris Scott 1803 recliner

Description/options: Stainless-steel rivets. Available in rocker and swivel rocker.

Colors: Green, brown, blue and wine.

On the Web: furniturefind.com

Price: $449

Perfect for: Joe Montana, retired 49ers QB. A no-nonsense chair with heavy-gauge construction that can take a beating and come back again and again. For all the times we wondered if the severely-injured-but-never-say-die Montana would ever hang up his helmet.

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Winston, a recliner by Lane Home Furnishings

Description/options: High-leg recliner with cherry finish and nailhead trim. Queen Anne design with wingback styling and rolled arms and ball-and-claw legs. The ottoman extends from beneath.

Finishes: In fabrics including velvet, leather and vinyl.

On the Web: www.lanefurniture.com

Price: $899.99

Perfect for: Former Dallas Cowboys QB Troy Aikman. The soft-spoken star, who drove a pickup and was never known for dancing in the end zone, might like this recliner that doesn’t look like a recliner. This elegantly understated chair has a sneaky foot rest hidden underneath.

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New York glider and ottoman from Relax-R Recliners

Description/options: Three-motion glider/recliner/swivel with matching ottoman.

Colors: Burgundy, black, chestnut, surf, adobe. Or in faux leathers: cobblestone, nubuck, brown, black.

On the Web: www.relax-r-chair.com

Price: $699 to $1,099, plus $49 for shipping.

Perfect for: John Elway, retired Denver Broncos QB. Remember when Elway refused to sign with the Colts? And the time he almost retired only to come back and lead his team to a Super Bowl victory in 1998? With its three-way glide/recline/swivel function, this is the ideal chair for the dude who just can’t make up his mind.

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Crandell recliner from La-Z-Boy

Description/options:

“Easygoing, casual looks.” Jumbo proportions. Extra tall rocker base. Extension leg rest. Can get with massage and heat.

Colors: Red, rust, green, oyster, brown, blue, aqua, plaid. Leather available.

On the Web: www.Lazboy.com

Price: $1,059 to $1,239.

Perfect for: Dan Marino, retired Miami Dolphins QB. Jumbo proportions fit the 6-foot-4 Marino and the price tag fits his confident, even cocky personality. Remember his cameo in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”? Massage will soothe the guy who broke all the records and still lost the Super Bowl in 1985. The heat feature will come in handy with his host of injuries: knees, neck, ankle and Achilles tendon.